I know I am too sensitive. I know that I take things to heart when I should not. I experience life with my heart on my sleeve and feel mortally wounded if I feel something is even remotely an attack on me personally.
Knowing this of myself as I do, why would I subject myself to feeling constantly below standard, below human, below woman? Because I figure it's one of the best places to learn what I need to learn. Maybe I'll be "one of them" one day. Maybe not. I am more for the softly softly approach. But I understand why they are not. That's fine.
What I object to is, when I am asking questions, seeking unbiased answers to my questions, trying to find my feet on this journey, being met with a snide undercurrent because I dared got to a hospital in the first place.
It's the root of all my problems, dotchaknow.
Maybe it was my fault for stepping inside the hospital grounds. Maybe I did inadvertantly ask to be sliced open. Maybe, just maybe, I really did have an emergency caesaerean. They were not there. They have not walked in my shoes.
This is not their journey, it is mine.
So while I try and find a steady path to walk on, maybe I need to carry an umbrella to repell the downpour I feel around me sometimes. Hopefully this downpour will provide a rainbow at some stage.
As my current MSN nick says.
I'm not stupid. I just have a scar that makes you think I am.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
I'm too sensitive.
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5 comments:
I don't think I've commented on your blog before, but this post just stood out to me. Totally relate! *HUGS* I don't know where you are asking your questions, but I am sad that you are getting those snide undercurrents. I had an experience like that, too, once upon a time. FWIW, I don't think you're too sensitive. Rach xx
((Hugs)) I haven't had your experience, so I dont feel qualified to comment. Im sad too that you are being treated that way.
It's all so loaded, and self-loathing and recrimination surely cannot be the quickest route to healing or understanding, so reading in places that illicit that, just not helpful, such a shame if it is alongside stuff you do want. And I think baulking at that like you seem to be is not too sensitive, it's protective and that is good. Using shame and fear is not positive even with the best of intentions - you cannot lambaste the medical community for doing it and then do it yourself. Well you can. But you shouldn't, it's just as bullying.
You'll unknot it all I am sure *hugs*
Oh K, I was really proud of your response ya know :)
I doubt it helps, but I have to say from someone with no experience I found it a fascinating question & one response in particular made a lot of logical sense to me.
I do hate that hospitals are automatically evil shit. I don't think it's helpful.
Good luck on your journey to knowledge & power!
Thanks J. I struggle daily going there because it's a broken record playing over and over, but I am sure occasionally there will be information I need.
They're not helping my journey much though.
Thankyou for your understanding
*hugs*
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