Meeting at the gate

May you be greeted at the pearly gates with the whiskers of a thousand rodents.

It's not hit me yet. I will cry my tears later when I have time to stop and think.

Until then, I will be sending my love and calling the spirits of all your loves who passed before you.

Farewell Kerry.

Snap-happy

Playground fun and goodness....

Renovation

I want to renovate this blog at some stage. I want it to be girlie and pretty and stuff.

but I don't know where to begin LOL.

*off to trawl blogs for inspiration*

Photopalooza

So, I thought I should upload a few... (this lot are from Earthdance) more coming soon

Photos coming out the wahzoo...

I have sooo many photos and no idea how to scrap them, or tint them, or do anything with them as my computer is complaining of low disk space. Need to move all the photos on to the server.

Bubbles is waking up - talking - then going back to sleep. Next tooth is coming through so she is sick - again. Damn this whole sickness-with-tooth-emergence thing. Her nose is running like a goddamn train! She is as adorable as ever.

She's doing a bit of cruising at the moment. Crawling is not fun enough for her... no no no.. she must STAND. then she lets go and goes "Oh shit! I am not holding on!" and dives for the nearest thing to hold... hahaha!

I have not heard back from some people regarding doula stuff. Maybe I should just do it via correspondence. I need to make some more money. Maybe I should pimp myself on the corner! *evil cackle*

I am sooooo passionate about birth, and choices, and not sitting idle and letting them all take control. Man I get soooooo flustered when I hear people talking about accepting a section because it fits in with their schedule... or worse - because the baby is too big *swears profusely*. Yeah Yeah.. I know. My birth was not the epitomy of all their is to birth - but, man - It's like I have "seen the light". I knew about all this stuff beforehand - but I was a backseat passenger in my pregnacy and birth of Tara. I needed to be the Driver!

I wish homebirth was not so vilafied in modern life. Or so expensive (out of pocketwise). I know you cannot compare price with a great experience and all that jazz...

OK. Rambling.

Must go. Need to wash some nappies... need to clean the study... need to research werribee open plains zoo... need to get ready for holidays...

argh

"relax, it's freedom" (do I need a TM here?)

Apparently my dad being told is supposed to liberate me and give me some sort of freedom.

Not to me, but hey. To me, it's chained me again. My dad will never see me again the same way as before. My "secret" is no longer secret. My aunt told my cousin we were "aledgedly" abused by her dad. My mum seems to have turned into som sexual abuse psychologist from the pamphlets they gave her and I am sitting in sydney while it all just happens to me.

Once again, I have no control. I said this to mum. She said she understood but truly believed this needed to happen to move forward. Whatever. I do not know what to think. I am once again numb. I go home next week into the eye of the cyclone.

meh
meh
double meh.

Just think Bega...

"Everything changed that day..."

Today was that day.

Dad was told about the abuse.

Apparently he got up, stormed off, then came back and talked more.

*mmm*

I feel anxious and blank.

I had no say over the matter, and it's been done. 15 years of me building the walls to keep everyone from knowing, and me being protected. To the last bricks being ripped down by someone else.

Big whoopie-do.

ugh.

Beta Better?

So... is beta really worth switching to yet...? or should I wait?

Oops...

Oh... wanting to share some photos...

Stuff.

There is so much stuff going on at the moment, and so much I just don't even know where to start.

argh.

Tara is sick - again! What is it with this babe of mine? I mean, really! Aren't boobyjuiced babies supposed to be healthier, stronger fighters against illness and all-round better at dealing with being sick? Not my bub. No-sir-ee.

Lots of emotional stuff going on... not quite wanting to put it out here though.

Tara can stand - for up to 10 seconds or more... and even clap her hands while doing so. It's only if she's been propped though. LOL.

I have logos coming out of my ears. Thankgoodness these people are paying though... I need the $$. Looking forward to sharing some of these.

Need to update the blog at some stage too.. meh.

All-round bleh-ness hitting me.

Going away soon though... if we don't find a house first.

La La La La.

Dreaming

I was having weird and wacky dreams last night.

In one dream I managed to dream about someone snapping their bones in half and walking off on them... and then the dream switches to me explaining to someone that cephalopelvic disporportion was in their OB's head and that, yes, really, they could have a homebirth if they *really* wanted.



I wonder who I was talking to lol