We're all going on a Summer Holiday...

Tomorrow, ridiculously early I might add, we are going on holidays for a month. Not sure how often I will be able to post/update/read/whatever...

So I wanted to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas, a safe and prosperous new year and a peaceful and joyful time with those you love.

If anyone needs me - you can email :) or phone :) If you need to write, email and I will give you the address.

I'm off to see my mummy!

I'll just blame it on hormones...

I had my Shiney for all of 36 hours before Ally is given one exactly the same ("because he looked jealous buying mine" and "as an appreciation for all the work he has done").

I was so excited to have something special and shiney and all mine that Ally did not have, that was geeky and modern and fancy - That he did not have. Now he has one.

I am *so* grateful and thankful that he was considerate enough to buy me something like that - I love it to pieces - but it's just a wee bit tainted now that he's got one himself.

I was then told I was being silly.

I'll just blame it on the hormones.

Spidey-sense is going nutso

OK all you fertile mamas out there.... someone is up-the-duff, and every ounce of my body is telling on you...

So... there are three people I have in mind... It could be someone I already know is pregnant - would not be surprising given the dreams I had of her bub... could be someone else who left me a cryptic message on MSN, or there is one other person who it could be......

nope, not me. Did the test. My little spirit has been talking to me, so I know she is there... but she's been told not to come yet.. (though has had me pacing the hallways waiting to know...)


Annnnnnyways.. if you think you migh tbe PG and not sur e- test! it could be you!!

It's so shiney!

Ok, so it is not an engagement ring...

but I am now the proud mama of an iPod Nano.

*pets*

it's so purdy.

Was woken up early to receive my pressie.. at the same time, bubbles slept in yay.

It has been a quiet day - but nice all the same.

All that hoopla!

So, Ally asked me what I want for my birthday. I said a Canon EOS or an Engagement ring.

I chose this ring years ago http://www.ejeweller.com.au/prod6674.htm and I still love the design so so so much.. but I noticed it comes in sapphire... http://www.ejeweller.com.au/prod6612.htm

I'd be happy with either... :D

My throat hurts. I hardly slept. Feeling quite shocking today actually!

I deconstructed a pair of bathers I bought at Reverse Garbage yesterday and made Tara a new swimming costume. My sewing leaves a lot to be desired *laughs* but I *love* it... I will take some photos one of these days - It's not quite finished. I need to decide if it is to stay a two piece or go to a one piece. I am leaning towards a one piece so that the bottoms do not fall off.

I need sleep.

Tara has gone with daddy for some more time. that's twice today. The two of us did not like each other.. spent the morning screaming at each other. I guess that comes from her teething and me not sleeping.

Sleep... it's foreign, isn't it?

Ugh. I think I might have managed a broken hour or two of sleep last night... I feel like SHITE.

We did Carols in the Domain the other night... it was great!

I almost got into a fight - a lady stood on Tara. She was wasted. Problem was she was in an abusive relationship and proceeded to wait for me to verbally berate her and have a go. I did for two seconds and then I was over it... but she just keep going on and on and on about how sorry she was... then she told her hubby when he cam back, and he hit her. So I hit him back. Told him off for being a jerk - she felt bad enough... He was a bastard...

Other than that though it was a lovely night!

Mmmmm... I just noticed my business name (planned for my doula stuff and other adventures) is *almost* being used as a username on a website... Is this a good or bad sign...? Only 6 people know my planned name... and this person does not know it... but... dunno... I feel awkward now.... Stace? what do you think?

Bloody Ebay Gods

*&!*#&$#@
&*#@*$#*#
&#@(*$&#
&$#*%(^*@



!!!!

*fingers crossed*

May the Ebay Gods be smiling on me this morning....

Breath Kristie.. Let it go....

OK.. so my new mantra recently has been "Inhale, let it go....." with lots of things...

Today I said this Phrase over and over... as well as pacing, and breathing and pacing... and breathing.

Once upon a time, when Tara was, er... 4 hours or 6 hours old Ally was going to pass her to me so I could meet her for the first time.. He was the one to do it. Then the wicked midwife of the west came down in one fell swoop and snatched that baby away from her daddy, grabbed my boob and slammed that baby's face into it for an introduction to breastfeeding. Biatch.

I saw this witch today. I heard her before I saw her. And when I did see her I started seething and croaking and rocking...

As I said. Biatch.

I kept my relative cool, and did not harm, maim or murder this woman.

I let her leave the shop in one piece.

"Inhale.. let it go"

Sesame Street..

Is it wrong to mis-hear Grover singing as...

"Blow Blow Blow your Goat"



I need to get out more ;)

A is for Alpha, B is for Beta.

I thought it was time to upgrade... now to add my new template... argh!

One step... Two steps...

Tara has walked.

Yup. My baby is toddlering! So, she's been taking the odd step here and there... and if you stand her up, she'll walk occasionally (managed 10 steps in a row to get to me!), but yesterday she stood up against some furniture at Ally's work, turned to him and walked to see what he was doing. She got maybe 5 or 6 steps and stood looking up at him. It was very very cute.

Gearing up for Christmas. It is coming so fas. I have so much I need to do - it is insane.

I need to get pressies for a number of people and am just a wee bit stuck. On one had, there is a lot I could buy them - on the other, I have no idea if it is a good thing to get! Argh!

I am sending out a happy birthday to someone who I have not seen for a very long time. We caught up a while ago (2 years maybe?) but he did not call me. Fair enough too - I was an, um... bitch to him for a bit - talk about being a messed up kid... I hoped he would call - I wanted to apologise to him, say how dreadfully sorry I was, and that he meant a lot to me... He made me realise a few home truths. Anyways, it is his birthday today - 12 of the 12, and I hope he is having a marvellous birthday with his wife and children. Happy Birthday Simon!

Anyways... taking tara to the park so need to get running.

The Perfect Birth.

(Warning - Circular conversational blog post ahead. Does not make a lot of sense but it was in my head today)

All over the internet, and all through literature I find one word that is beginning to make my skin crawl, and my body cringe. I am guilty of uttering it myself many times, and worse - aspiring to have it next time. What word, I hear you ask, could create such a response?

Empowered.

It seems like a harmless enough word, doesn't it? It insights chest-puffing, drum-banging, tears-of-achievement images in the mind. But is it really that great? Is it really something we want women to aim for when it comes to Birth? Are we not just creating pedistals for these goddesses to fall from with battered egos and a sense of failure when they don't achieve that quintessential "Empowered Birth"?

Women have so many goals thrust upon them by everyone else - other women included - that soon many of us cannot remember whether it was our dream or someone elses in the first place. Some strive to have the perfect job, the perfect house, the perfect husband and quite often the Perfect Birth. Many of us educate ourselves with books, literature, internet resources in the quest for that Holy Grail of Perfection. We learn from our sisters. We aspire to be like them. To better ourselves and move beyond what the other has done. A little competitive? Maybe. But it is how we have learned to move forward in this society. We have had to fight so often to be recognised, that soon the lines begin to blur and we start elbowing each other in the ribs. Even those who are professing to helping us.

So why has the word Empowered gotten under my skin? Because, to me, it is becoming the modern-day limbo stick. If you manage to get down low enough, you get a medal for your efforts and a big Pin that says "Empowered". You can shout from behind your Bugaboo that you not only had a Natural Birth, but you had an Empowered Experience. You were lifted up out of your hospital bed with joy and ran a mile the next day in celebration.

Good for you.

Now spare a thought for your sisters who don't manage to get their Empowered Birth. They read the same books, saw the same websites, talked to the same people. Your sisters were every bit as knowlegable as you when it came to Birth. They also believed they deserved, and would get an Empowering Perfect Birth.

Why wouldn't they. So many around them have the badges to prove it can be done.

They did not realise they'd get the Doctor from Hell. Or the Nurse who wanted to clock of early, or the midwife who'd had a bad day, or the anesthesiologist who was on his second ever shift. It could even be her husband, father or mother-in-law. Empowerment can most certainly belong to the woman birthing, but it can be so easily taken away or tainted by anyone coming into her space. The universe could plot against her - anything could happen. And it does! The simplest things can rattle a woman from her pedistal of Perfection. It does not take much to fall from grace.

Sure, women can have Empowered Births if having a caesarian, and good for them. But that does not mean that it is the epitome of the Birthing Experience. Yes, we should be so lucky to feel empowered by the experience of bringing a life into this world. Yes, we are happy we have a healthy baby. No one is denying the fact that we are grateful - to do so is undermining everything we have gone through already.

But why not just be ok with the Mediocre Birth? Why is it we set the measuring stick up so high? It's an extremely magical time, bringing a child earthside, but why do we have to try and make the experience Empowering? What about those women who never get to feel a sense of Empowerment through their Birthing Times? Are they any less of a Goddess because they did not beat their chest and say "I am woman, hear me roar!"?

I want the Empowered Birth, sure I do! It sounds like a magical place to be. But why do I want to be Empowered so much? Is it because so many others around me have been there singing it's praises? I don't want to take anything away from anyone who has managed to hit the magic bullseye, and I think the Perfect Birth is a great thing to aspire to, but maybe we need to be a little more realistic in our desires? With so much intervention occuring, so many sections, so much management of Birth occuring, maybe we need to be mindful of the language we reflect onto women. Sure the Empowered Birth might be something I aspire to achieving, but the next woman I talk to may not want it at all. Am I just projecting my hopes onto her? I hope not. I don't want any woman to just roll over an accept everything handed to her on the Hospital Platter, but in the same breath, wanting her to get a Perfect Empowered Birth maybe just as damaging.

I am a little tired of reading in books about women needing the Empowered Birth. It's almost as if it's something you need to get in order to be recognised for your achievements. In all honesty I don't know.

Maybe I will never get the Empowered Birth and I will forever be the woman with the postcard on the fridge...

"My friend got an Empowered Birth, and all I got was this lowsy Postcard"

Updating for those in withdrawrals

*winks*

Tara is now one! And with it comes the two-year-old tantrum. She can throw a doozy. She screams, throws herself to the ground and becomes a dead weight. What do I do? What any self-respecting-parent would do it such times.

Laugh.

I don't know how to react, but I should probably learn how.

She has a fever today. We both think she is teething at the moment. And we are out of Brauers. And I have had no sleep (little). argh.

She is a trooper at the swimming pool. She can jump in, go underwater and clamber up. My little fish!

Doula News: The course is great. I have books coming my way for christmas, a new computer coming from Ally, a study day free of Tara, and hopefully in the new year, a house.

I just need people to get pregnant and hire me - or already be pregnant and hire me. Belinda, you do not count - cross your legs until the end of Jan, and I'll come up!

I am hoping to be certified within 6 months, so that I can then start taking clients. Maybe just do prenatal/postnatal care in the beginning 'cause not sure what to do with Tara yet. meh. details!

I had a dream the other night. Told Stace about it. We'll see what happens.
I had another dream the other night. This one won't happen. Getting married and all.

Um um um... running late now, but I thought I would do a brief update.

Toodles for now!