Not feeling great at the moment. Hormones are hitting me and I am not sure I like it. I have started on the mini pill too, so am wondering whether or not it is affecting me negatively too (when I remember to take it - dagnabbit!)I realise that not taking it 100% of the time negates the whole pill thing... but hey, I'm trying. I have remembered 4 in a row so far!!
Anyways. I feel a little shadowed. Black shadowy around the outsides. Just add a photoshop blur to my life. It does not help that Tara is sleeping roughly at the moment. Poor thing is having such trouble with her teeth, and the brauers is only helping a little bit. We have two through, and two on their way. Hopefully they will break through and then I can get sleep again. It's just not helping my moods. I tried to explain to my yoga teacher yesterday that I was feeling a little battered emotionally. I told her my period had returned and that I had acknoweleged that. She reminded me I need to grieve it a bit too, and then try and move on. I just want to cry.
I feel a little worthless at the moment. Feel as though Ally is looking down on me because I don't do enough. Don't do enough washing/don't do enough cleaning/don't do enough money making/dont' do enough yada yada yada.
There is nothing like the feeling of knowing the person you love is disappointed in you. I am too scared to ask for things because I spent too much money. oh well. I don't need to go out of the house. I feel bitter. About lots of things.
I feel bitter about being stuck in sydney. I feel bitter about not knowing my place in sydney. Do I want to stay in Newtown (where I am finding some friends and great ones at that)... while having a mothers group that I am feeling more and more detached from? Do I want to move and start over again, with no guarentees I'll find anything over there?
I am utterly pissed off with the ABA. How many times does one have to request a newsletter and calendar? I am frikken subscribed! I *want* to attend meetings! Just because *they* decided I was not in their *zone* and needed to be moved to a different area group... I wanted to go to *their* meetings because it is *way* closer.
I need to renew my membership. And I need to pay for the seminar. Maybe I can pay for the subscription on the night, get my bookie, and the calendar for the meetings.
I was thinking I should find out what it takes to be a Breastfeeding Counsellor. Though it would be too late to help anyone in my mothers group. Might be a good thing though - especially if my plans for my "thingo" go ahead in the next 5 years.
Ponder Ponder (Triple M - Ponder This!) haha... mmm. in joke .
Friday, July 21, 2006
The wave of a sigh.
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4 comments:
Move to Campbelltown ! hahaha
(hugs) being a mummy is a big enough job without everything else.
Id love to be a bf counsellor too, but I figure I should actually breastfeed a child first....LOL
Oh darling. (((HUGS))) I feel a little like that at the moment too. It really is a lonely lonely job sometimes. Hope you feel better soon and things take shape.
*hugs*
To be a bf counsellor, you have to have been involved in your group for at least 6 months, and have bf for a minimum of 9 months. I'm working towards becoming a counsellor too :) I well qualify for the length of time spent feeding ;-) but just need to be a bit more active in my group.
Well then I *would* have bloody qualified if the bloody group would contact me. That just makes me more annoyed, hurt and pissed off. (Tara is alomst 8 months old, so would have almost been at that qualification too)
*sigh* the universe is working against me.
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