The ball has officially started rolling

New eating plan is being organised
Blood tests being organised
Ultrasound being organised

Hopefully start ironing out some kinks and will have a baby in no time. Well, at least be pregnant.

Doctor is good. Not looking into anything major yet, just asking a few medical questions. Will go see the naturopath after the ultrasound report and take some stuff from there.

Doctor believes my theory on why I got pregnant with Tara - or more to the point How. will be doing some more research.

Also had a pap smear done. Only 4 years late or so.. thought it was about time.

Congratulations

J and R... my heart is bursting, my eyes are weeping.

Full of joy at your BFP.

lots of love for a boring, simple, run of the mill pregnancy.

Lots of sighs

I wanted to write a big post, apologise for not being here for my dear blog, to tell the world I was still alive. Record some things about Tara, how she is growing and beautiful and the funny things she does.

Instead I want to cry, hide my head in a bucket and pray my child sleeps all night and that I can sleep in.

She's got the Pox, and while they are not bugging her, she's still sick and we are still stuck in a house for two weeks.

I know this will pass but I am feeling fragile and upset and I just want to run away tonight.

Hormones are playing a big part (Ovulation anyone?) but I don't really care much. Ok, I do, but not that much.

I miss a particular friend lots (waves to C) and her wisdom and guidance.

I am sick of listening to Hoop-de-do it's a wiggly party (doing my head in!!!)

Anyways. enough of me whinging. I am sure I'll have stuff happier to blog about in the future.

Much love to you out there.

K.

PS: we now have 6 fish.

Happy New Year - Welcome 2008

I was looking forward to doing a really special start of the year post, but instead I am feeling miserable and cranky.

Last night I thought I was pregnant. This morning my Period arrived.

It is amazing the emotions you can go through in such an amount of time. I'd thought for Days I could have been pregnant - I mean, I'd done a test and was sure I could see a line, but knew that others would not be able to see it. I was very late with my period and was clinging onto hope. Well the new year brought me just another Flo'

I'm disappointed, a little sad, a little bit in pain (physical). I guess we'll get there.

So, I thought about new years resolutions. I am not one for making them much. I usually break them. The feeble attempts to wish away my weight, get a degree, do something exciting. yada yada. This year will be simple.

*Visit a Naturopath
*Learn to be a cleaner person
*Clean the backyard
*Get Pregnant
*Have a homebirth
*Do my ABA counselling course
*Resume my CBI course
*Launch Mamaluna
*Be gentler to Tara
*Be deeper with Ally

That's all I need to focus on I think. I think that's a fair bit actually. I hope I have the strength to do it all.

So I'm going to sign off. I promise to do the Christmas blog post soon... I'll back date it so keep an eye out.

In the mean time. Happy New Year. Love to all.

Bah humbug...

No so much as an evap line.

Wishful thinking, I know. But I was hoping for an extra happy week.

Maybe (not) Baby.

Sometimes my body really confuses me. After my post the other day about Ovulating, charting and getting things wrong prior, It seems I may have just gotten it all wrong and may have ovulated earlier on in the month.

Feeling a little crampy and nauseous. Period crampy nauseous. I swear, if I get my period tomorrow I'll cry. I wanted a BFP (Big Fat Positive for those who don't understand) for my birthday. And a sewing machine. But more importantly I want that BFP. Really wanted to give Mum and Dad a card for Christmas announcing a new grandchild.

Guess that's not going to happen now.

Bah Humbug.

Charting. It really is gross.

TMI post. You have been warned!

There is something so weird about actively TRYING to have a baby. I mean, Tara was a beautiful surprise blessing. She just arrived. I did not have to think about it. But now that the wedding is gone and we are (shhhh!) trying for another it's really odd to be following the whole charting side of things.

Since my cyles are all over the place (av 37 days, though 32 - 76 has been recorded) it does not make it as simple as saying "Oh, 10 days in, let's boink for 48 hours and wham bam, baby jam!"... Predicting (or even working out) the time to just go for it is really hard.

And don't get me started on the whole Cervical Mucus thing! Makes me cringe having to describe and understand the goop. I mean, I *like* knowing what is going on with my body, but having to do the midnight tango because of the consistency kind of makes me a little erkie.

So, having said all of that, I thought that I was having a really odd cycle and that when I thought I was ovulating was strange, but I plotted and charted and did what baby-making couples do (that's sex people), I was wondering if I was in the Two Week Wait (TWW).

Then I started bloating the other day. Feeling horrible in my belly and generally just meh. Oh yay, thought I. The Aunt is back. But I think I am wrong. Following the CM today, and the left hand pain I have had today, it seems I am actually Ovulating Late (day 30 by my chart). So unless I am pregnant now (ha!) the earliest I could find out about being PG is on Cycle Day 40 (and that is at a push!). That would be christmas morning.

We'll have to see.

Before that happens, I've gotta go upstairs.

Steps towards a VBAC.

I have been doing some thinking the last 24 hours and I think if I want to have a VBAC I need to actively start working towards it now. So I am starting a list of things i need to do before I birth (not necessarily before I conceive).

These are in no order! just as I think of them

1. Get my hospital records.
2. Join Homebirth Access Sydney.
3. Read Spiritual Midwifery.
4. Find a naturopath/homeopath/osteopath
5. Talk to my GP about shared care (if that is an option)
6. Believe in myself totally
7. Surround myself with people who will listen to my thoughts as I purge them (and not criticise me for thinking them)
8. Keep the house TIDY and CLEAN
9. Read my midwifery Manual
10. Find a doula who will support me from the start (or before) - maybe a friend?
11. Learn to listen to my heart
12. Get fit
13. Pre-natal Yoga once pregnant
14. Talk to Independent Midwives and Homebirth Midwives (Work through Tara's Birth)
15. Read. Read. Read.
16. Work with Ally in the Pregnancy Process - I am not alone. It is our Journey.
17. Learn from others before me. Listen to their stories.
18. Work for my birth - not the birth I expect others to expect of me.
19. Monitor my fertility and track it (www.mycycle.com)
20. Join the Maternity Coalition

If I can do most of these things with my full heart, and believe I can, then I am on the road to my VBAC.

Spidey-sense is going nutso

OK all you fertile mamas out there.... someone is up-the-duff, and every ounce of my body is telling on you...

So... there are three people I have in mind... It could be someone I already know is pregnant - would not be surprising given the dreams I had of her bub... could be someone else who left me a cryptic message on MSN, or there is one other person who it could be......

nope, not me. Did the test. My little spirit has been talking to me, so I know she is there... but she's been told not to come yet.. (though has had me pacing the hallways waiting to know...)


Annnnnnyways.. if you think you migh tbe PG and not sur e- test! it could be you!!