Of Course it could not be seamless!

I sent out most of my invites last week

I found out two days ago that the URL for our wedding website was wrong.

ARGH!!!

It is now fixed for anyone who cares.

ARGH!!!

Stuff always has to happen, doesn't it?! LOL


We get to meet Anjella tomorrow! WHOOT. I am so excited. bounce bounce

Going to put my dress on again today. Mum found her veil and I think, after all the dramas associated with my purchases, I might just wear it. Another part of my Something Olds.

Something Olds: Nanna's Hanky - which will be embroidered with our wedding date and stitched into the back of my dress. Mum's veil which is a scalloped edged and embroidered two tiered veil (actually, it is three tiered but I want two so will get rid of the blusher...
Something News: My dress, Shoes, Jewellery....
Something Borrowed: oooh.... maybe this should be the veil... will think about that.
Something Blue: My undies... :) And my stripey socks if I change into my second shoes at the reception...

So... have been at mum's for the last two weeks. We leave tomorrow to head back to Sydney. There are 86 days until the wedding. Well, actually there are 85 because that counter is based for the states I think. One way or the other, there is limited time left!!

Tara's dress is 90% made. I Need to put interface netting in the bow, and possibly make a cape for her. She is going to be adorable. Need to get her shoes. And we need to pray that her chest size does not change between now and the wedding because I became a little excited with my overlocker and taking in the seams....

I have wedding shoes! $10 bargain from the south melbourne markets. OMG... I loved that market. Much smaller than queen vic... hardly any people and some funky bargains. I soooo would have bought a fur stole, however Ally does not like them.

Which reminds me. Need to find a shawl to match my dress.

My dress is living at Mum's until the wedding. I don't need it in sydney (other than to look at)... so it can live here. If I loose weight the dress will need to be taken in. My sister has the name for a lady in Cobden who can apparently do alterations in a day.... so if I do mysteriously loose weight instead of putting it on, we are covered!

The Fans have all been ribboned... so have the parasols. I need to find myself an extra parasol, because I am a little over all brides having the chinese ones... as lovely as they are.

We have photo locations worked out! The Gardens, The Cemetary, A private residence with the most amazing gum trees... and if we need one more there are some old metal sheds that would be a cool backdrop... will see how it goes with time, and what the Magic Anjella thinks of them/thinks of the time factor.

I had a hair Trial... It looked great. Not as much like the one that I wanted but apparently I have more hair than I needed for that particular style, and also not enough hair for another style. I have holes in my hair so it is going to be interesting. it will be out mainly with lots of waves, and bird-nesty at the back with twirls pulling it off my head. Photos will come. I have lots of photos.

I had a makeup trial with Napoleon Perdis in melbourne. Lovely stuff - the eyes are going to be dramatic - as will the lips when I can find a different brand of lippy. The colour was nice, but the lippy bled everywhere... blergh. I need kiss proof stuff as ally Hates makeup. That is the one thing I really need to get in Sydney when we get back. The mascara from NP was shocking - non waterproof (who gives a bride non-waterproof mascara?!) and it aggrivated my eyes and started burning them. I took it back (I bought it after the trial) and got another eyeshadow. I have some funky eyeshadows now. They'd want to be great for the cost!! haha.

We went and looked at cars yesterday too. I want to arrive in the Riley that we looked at. OMG. it is a beautiful car. That or the Citroen... the Riley is a 1950s, and the Citroen is a 1930s.. they had a 19something Dodge, which is what I was going to go in originally until the guy decided to sell it... so now I get to choose some funky cars. We need to decide on one or two and if we can afford them...

um.. what else...

I got a new pair of boots. nothing to do with the wedding. THey are red, fake leather, scrunchie and flat.. and I love them $40...

My sister got a new pair of boots... Spanish Leather, Leather Soles, Almost kneehigh style, from Midas. Purple. $20. Can we say bitch. She loves me though - I found them for her. Isn't she lucky I love purple and did not pick up the black or brown pairs that were $250. The original price tag was $360.... and she got them for 20.

need to take pics of mum in her dress.

got lots of stuff I need to do today.. not going to do it all.

right now I have to go and save mum's vintage vase.... Tara has found it.

toodles

Teen Fit Camp

I just watched this and felt slapped in the face. Why? Because the guy (declaring love to the girls) was me. Can sometimes still be me.

I used to jump into telling people I loved them, that I wanted to be with them because I felt no real emotion. I ate for emotion. Food was my feelings. So I would confuse friendship with love. Then I would grasp at straws to have them declare love for me because it would mean I was worth something.

More often than not I was paid with pity. Occasionally a quick fuck, and then pity. Or embarrassment. Or worse, disdain and hatred.

That was my life. In some respects, I think it still is. My self confidence became non existant because it relied on how I felt through my appearance. Now I have almost become nonchalant about it.

I am to be a bride in 4 months and 1 week. I'm going to be a size 18 as I doubt I will loose much weight before then. Do I want to? Hell yes. Why won't I? because I can't - no, won't put in the effort. I don't FEEL much any more. I feel "whatever" about being fat. I got used to it. I just don't buy clothes. I just don't look in the mirror. I don't have my photo taken because I hate who I am in any of the above circumstances.

People would comment on how being a mother really suits me. But those comments stopped when the weight came on again. I got down to 70kg just after Tara was born. I liked how I looked. But then it came back on - even with all the walking I do, and the healthier food I eat.

I wish I cared. But frankly, no one really cares about it around me either. Ally tells me if it worries me, then do something. I would love to go to the gym! Will he pay the money for me to go? Would he go with me? Is their a creche? There are always reasons not to, excuses.

My life is full of excuses. To be honest, I just don't think I love myself enough to put the effort in. It is pathetic, I know. But that is just how I guess it is. I am once again the back seat passenger (I have spoken about being backseat with Tara's birth). That's just me. I need someone to take the lead - to show me. Force me. Help me.

So while I watch Teen Fit Camp and feel for the lad jumping from girl to girl, knowing that was me, I will cry for him. I will cry for me. And I'll be content to be the fat bride walking down the Aisle.