My heart it breaks, just a little more.

Life can be so terribly difficult at times.

Last night I was talking to mum. She said that my sister has (finally!) been put on anti-depressants. For so long I have hoped she would either get medical help - or would be happy again. But realistically knew medication might be the better way. I sincerely hope that this will help her. She is so beautiful, the dark cloud that often follows many in our family, just over-shadowed her so much.

The other news of course that goes with this, is that my little brother (19) was told about the sexual abuse that my sister and I battled through at the hands of my uncle. My poor baby brother felt the weight of the world fall on his shoulders. He understood that we were protecting him and is sorry that it happened to us. However his is like a wounded bull at the moment, seeing red. The man he worshipped for so many years as a father figure, the man he trusted so much, hurt his big sisters in a way that no man ever should. I can only imagine how hurt he is feeling right now.

We are just begging that he never tells my father. However, as mum pointed out last night - this is something that may just have to go with the territory, and that we may one day have to tell dad. Not looking forward to that day.

My thoughts are to want to fix everything. I want to hold my sister, tell her how special she is, tell her I love her, and tell her it will be alright. I want to hold my brother, tell him I am sorry, tell him I love him, and tell him he can stop fighting the world. I want to hold my mother, tell her it is not her fault, tell her I love her, and tell her she did not fail us.

Maybe my sister could come live here for a while, clear her head. Maybe that just won't work at all. Maybe that is just me being selfish. I do not know. I have no answers. Maybe that is what is eating me more.

Bend over world, I'll kiss all the arse you want, if it will make my sister stand in the sunshine again.