The Dragonfly Faery

The issues of Pink.

2010-02-22T11:46:00.002+11:00

As many of you know our daughter is not a huge fan of Pink. some days she loves it in small doses, and will tolerate it.

Other days, like today, pink is the worst idea in the world, and really, we should reconsider just what sort of parents we are if we try and even suggest she touch the colour.

20 mins ago I got an email from Tara's new Ballet Teacher (Miss Tara), telling me that while they can wear whatever they like, they need to have pink shoes. Yes, even though the colour could technically pass as being Nude, or Flesh.... Ballet Pink was not a word that was entered into my daughters vocabulary.

So, in accordance to my telling her she has to wear pink shoes, the world as she knows it has ended, and the tears that have followed are enough to rival Alice in Wonderland.

I told her that the options were pink shoes or no ballet and she needed to have a think about it and make her own decisions about what she was going to do. Well, she's come back to me and told me "I'll need to think about that".

She doesn't mind pink hair ties, nor does she mind pink on her tshirts. Granted, she would prefer the world to only contain Green with a touch of purple and red. But the idea of wearing an item of clothing that is solely pink is a little beyond her comprehension at the moment.

So... I changed my shoe order from White to Pink ('cause of course, I find out this information about pink shoes immediately after I ordered white ones!), and they are being made as we speak. She might not have them by Wednesday, but at least they are coming.

*sigh* I think we have a long road ahead of us if Ballet is going to be on the cards!

Quoting the divine Miss T

2010-02-16T21:57:00.002+11:00

Out for sushi last night. Ally has Salmon and Salmon egg on rice. I suggest he give her one of the eggs to try, and he puts one on each of her mini salmon rolls.

She puts one in her mouth

[Om nom nom nom]

"mm"

[eyes look up in awe and wonder]

"Oh WOW! They POP! The baby fish go POP!"

Leotards and Black Belts

2010-02-16T20:15:00.005+11:00

I have been searching for a ballet class for Tara for about 18 months now. One thing or another has usually held me back. The most recent being Ally not liking the place that I like the most. Well today I was introduced to another ballet school and we have been invited to come and see it tomorrow.

We just happened to meet up with Tara's old best friend from Preschool (who changed preschools) today and she was off to Ballet. I asked her dad where she went and he told us. So I have cruised their website and it seems to fit in quite well with what I like about ballet schools (and what I don't like too!)

So we might go off and do that tomorrow afternoon and see how she goes. It's a bit exciting though, to have worked it out a little closer.

Talking about classes, I also would love her to do a martial arts class at some stage, and the logical one for us is for it to be Tae Kwon Do, after all, it's kinda in the family! well, after weeks of searching, I finally found one that I think we can do when she is older, so around August we'll see how she is mentally/physically/emotionally/etc and see whether she is old enough to start. While the classes are not designed until 5 year olds, she's been invited to come along a bit sooner to get used to the class (if she likes it and fits into the group), and so she can be settled into the class before she starts school (and has new things going on there). I think the stability of having classes as part of her ritual before school is a good way to make some transitions. but we will see.

Oh... Tara and I are both suffering from sunburn. foolishly I did not think about sunscreen outside yesterday after I was in a weird mental place. I just was not thinking. Well, tara's poor beautiful white skin paid the price for my absent mindedness. Granted, so did my skin, but her's is the one I worry about more. Though, strangely enough, even after all the sunscreen again today, we still both managed to get kissed again by the UV rays!

and OMG. Wow. another post, can you believe it?!

So, it's been over a year...

2010-02-14T21:30:00.004+11:00

It has been over a year since my last post and even though I have thought about blogging lots since then, I have not been sure whether I wanted to update THIS blog. But I figure it is easier than starting a new blog right at this moment - that can come later.

Tara is now 4. Can you believe it? I can't. Some days I look at her and she is my month old little baby, with chubby cheeks and a deep set dimple. And then I look at her and it is a glimpse through a looking glass to when she is 13 and off to high school. The other days it is her just being 4. Beautiful, glorious 4.

I was talking to mum tonight about how she has lost some of her baby fat through her face and shoulders this last month (thanks to a vicious dose of vomiting gastro), and how she looks so wonderfully energetic, and young, and vibrant.

She has a couple of obsessions. One she is slowly (hopefully) growing out of - and that is Pooh Bear. She has Pooh Bear doonas (yes, plural!), lamps, clocks, toys and lots of books. I am hoping this one is a passing phase, for while I do like Pooh Bear, I am a classicist at heart and wish that the Disneyified crap would go elsewhere.

Dance is still a major part of her life and she is very much a singing and dancing kinda girl. She loves doing dancing anywhere and everywhere, and gate crashing a busker in the street is one of her favourite pasttimes.

Her other major obsession is PONIES! Wow, does she love her ponies. Any pony toy, book, story.. you name it - she loves it. And don't get her started on the real things. She loves horse riding when she gets a chance (she has a ride coming up in a couple of weeks) and would love to do it every week. Not that we can afford to do so in the Sydney CBD.

And she's getting a mighty fine collection of My Little Ponies now - thanks to ebay and the grandparents!

She is going to preschool 2 days a week and has some lovely lovely friends there. And I'm even making some friends through the other mothers which is really nice. Unfortunately one of her Best Friends is going to be leaving in a month and I'll have to deal with that fall out. thank goodness she can't remember that her old best friend at preschool left her too.

We have made a decision where we are going to send her to school, which is a massive load off my mind. I hope to become part of the P and C over the next year to become a bit more familiar with the community and the school. I think it will be a good way for us to get to know the small community.

As for me, I am doing ok As you have probably guessed, I am still no pregnant. Still trying. Still not getting anywhere. I'd love to have another child, but I am beginning to loose faith in the whole process. My mental state is not doing great over it all, but I try no to dwell on it.

My business is going very slow, and I have not made much in the way of sales for a while. I hope with a change of business structure over the next couple of months that things might pick up again and I'll be able to actually make money instead of loosing it. Keep your eyes out though, it's a bit exciting.

I'm also just about to finish my Childbirth Educator Course. OMG. I am so excited that I might actually just finish this! I am on the tail end, hopefully will have it finished within the next month.

Ally is working lots and lots and lots, but that is hopefully going to settle down soon.

We've been to New Zealand, Perth, Victoria, Canberra in the last 6 months or so, which has been a massive dose of excitement. Hopefully we get to do some more travelling soon, it really is refreshing to the system.

Anyways. that's it for now. I'm going to TRY and do more posts. hoping hoping. fingers crossed

stay posted

2009-01-20T14:14:00.002+11:00

I plan on doing a BIG post in the next few days. in the mean time

*been away for 6 weeks
*had a wonderful christmas
*tara is beautiful
*I have a new computer
*I love my hubby
*life is treating me ok at the moment
*feeling more positive about the year ahead

Dreams Shattered.

2008-12-09T07:12:00.002+11:00

Ever have a dream that you've had for so long it's just part of your conciousness?

Mine was just shattered. Since I was 15 or so I have wanted a particular building in a the town I grew up in. I have told everyone about it - or so I thought - it seems mum didn't know. Anyway. The place went up for sale, and was sold yesterday. YESTERDAY~

What makes it hurt more is that it was affordable. To an extent - needed lots of work. But I have wanted it so much.... and now it has gone. I doubt it will be on the market again - at least for probably 10 - 20 years...

I think I could cry. This has been my dream property and just when I think we could afford something (with the bonus from the gov etc)... argh. I think I *will* cry.

This is it.

3 years today.

2008-11-29T09:45:00.003+11:00

Happy Birthday Sweet baby - er - big girl!

You remind me every day now "I'm a big durl!" It wasn't so long since you were a little baby and then bam. You're holding conversations.

The last 6 months has seen you blossom so fast. It's almost as if I have turned around and someone new was staring at me. It's amazing the changes that have come forth. You can dress yourself, express yourself, marvel at your own achievements and make your own friends.

Your speech, while not the same as "other kids" is really developing and you can come out with some wonderful phrases.

"I am dood!"
"I am tire"
"I had a big sleep"
"She's my friend"
"Dat's my favourite (to everything you see!"
"I love you as big as a house!"
"Bugger"
"Shut Up"
"Oh, man!"

You love to do puzzles and to draw. Unfortunately you have your mother's creative chaos thing happening and move from one thing to the next very quickly leaving Tornado Tara in your wake.

You have some wonderful friendships forming and it is so lovely to see these happening without interference from Mummy or Daddy. There have been many tears when we have had to leave Sam, Hailey, Savannah... You have loved to join Matilda in the park and cannot wait to see Bella at school.

You have seen a new day care centre this year and have truly embraced it. Some new friendships, some new experiences and a real jump in your development. It's amazing to see you embrace puzzles now, so different from previously where you shied away. And painting! You never cease to amaze me with your artistic endeavours.

Some other random bits about you. You love Pooh Bear, your toy Kiwi (who must go to school every Friday), you sleep through the night, are toilet aware during the day and almost completely during the night and you love your food - Chicken and Rice is apparently on the menu every night!

I love watching you take in the world around you and reach out and be yourself. Not a mini me, not a mini daddy, but 100% you. You can throw a stomping fit to threaten even the most rebellious of all teens, slam a door like the best of them, and say things under your breath while storming out of a room. You put the term Threenager in the dictionary.

I love you to pieces and watching you each day is a blessing and an honour. You are beautiful, adorable and truly special.

My beautiful beautiful girl, I love you. Happy third Birthday.

From this, to this...

2008-11-16T21:32:00.000+11:00

to this

5 Glorious Days.

2008-11-16T20:57:00.004+11:00

On the 3rd or 4th of November my heart sang for joy as I looked at two straight lines on a stick of paper. It's amazing how that small amount of colour, on that small stick can change your life.

For 5 days I celebrated, rejoiced and sang from the roof tops that, after 16 months of trying, we'd finally fallen pregnant. Clouds had parted, angels sang, prayers were answered and I was growing a baby inside of my beautiful womb.

5 glorious days.

And then my heart was ripped from me as the blood started to flow. A little pink to start with, but soon followed in torrents of crimson red flowing with the waves of contractions.

5 glorious days.

My world shattered around me as moment by moment I felt my baby draining from me. I woke knowing the spirit had gone from me. By 4 pm in the afternoon I'd endured the worst part of a complete miscarriage and had lost our baby.

Though, 'loosing a baby' is not really a great descriptions either. I can't go and pick him up from lost and found at Central Station. I did not accidentally leave him on a bus. No, he's no where to be 'found'. He's gone completely.

5 glorious days.

I knew about him 'officially' for 5 days, but the reality was I knew about him the moment he became part of me. I even wrote about him.

"We have been TTC (trying to conceive) for a while and we had an amazing night the other night *cough*. Instantly I felt as though something had taken place. It hit me later that it was like I had another soul around me - in me.

And ever since I have felt spiritually pregnant, if that makes sense."

So, that was after it happened. And so much has happened since.

We told Tara I had a baby in my Tummy. She kissed my belly and said Hello Baby. I would ask her each night, "Is it a Boy baby, or is it a Girl Baby?" "A Durl Baby mummy! a Durl!" "So not a brother?" "No. A Durl".

After I discovered I was miscarrying I fell into Ally's arms sobbing. Tara and he were cooking in the kitchen and Tara pipes up, "Are you OK mummy?" "Mummy is sad, Possum. The baby has gone away. It's not in mummy's tummy any more" Tara's bottom lip quivered a little, she sighed and looked sad, for a brief moment. Then she gave me a hug and went back to cooking.

If you ask her now if mummy is sad, she'll tell you the following story
"Mummy Sad. Baby Gone Way. Mummy and Daddy in Kitchen and daddy huddle (cuddle) and mummy cry. Baby Gone" She knows the baby is not there any more.

It has been one week. Two days longer than I knew I was really pregnant. And some days I wonder what has happened. It is like a life time ago, and yet at the same time it is like it happened this morning. The grief is not as intense, but perhaps that is just me coming to terms a little more.

I have moments. I'm not all sunshine and lolly pops just yet. Sometimes I think I have been kept Too Busy, but that's ok at the moment. I cry when I need (and am thankful for hot showers that make that easier!), and laugh when I feel like it.

I call the baby a boy because I felt Boy Vibes all around me. I'm not saying that my baby was an actual Boy, I'm just saying I had a boy vibe. Could have grown up to be a tom boy, or a feminine girl. Or just a normal every day girl, or a normal every day boy. I won't know. Though I wonder if the 100% same spirit baby will come back, or if they'll change in the time between now and then. I'll never know.

He is just known as Little Bird to me.

My baby will come back. I know he will. Because I am waiting for him and he is waiting for me.

One day (hopefully not too far away), my little bird will fly home. In the meantime, I'll reflect on those 5 Glorious Days. I would not change them for the world.

Argh. Ebay Sellers!

2008-10-29T13:58:00.001+11:00

It had to happen to me of all people. Order something off ebay and get something different. Not happy.

Would be more unhappy if it cost me a lot of money. Thank goodness it was only a bit of fabric!

Still, means I have to wait until at least friday to get the one I want.

Bah.

There is a hair!

2008-10-27T19:12:00.002+11:00

There is a hair.

In my lolly.

Not on it. In it.

Stuck in the boiled lolly goodness with a blueberry flavour.

And there is a hair in it.

I don't think I can pretend it is not there. Even if it is tiny. It's still there.

Now my question is, do I eat the rest of the 500grams that was given to me, knowing it is the same batch, made by the same people...? broken off from the same piece?

Surely the sugar would kill any hair bugs?

Scrapping Freebies

2008-10-21T11:43:00.003+11:00

Here are a couple of scrapping freebies for you. Please let me know if they don't work!

My original Dragonfly Faery Intro Kit

Download Here

My Funbugs

Download here

The trilogy is done..

2008-09-29T06:55:00.003+10:00

This post here...

Well... all three happened.

The first post was rather cryptic, but it was basically my Spidey Sense (for those that have followed my blog for a long time). Spidey Sense being me sensing people who are going to fall pregnant before the start of 4th Term. :)

Even the Maybe person!

Hopefully this means that I am next! I've not gotten any more spidey senses about anyone yet...

and ally wants me to ask whether or not anyone has a spare 14 or 15 inch LCD monitor in sydney they are wanting to throw out or give away. Giant Steps could use one for the kids.

Bags!

2008-09-19T13:47:00.002+10:00

If someone was after a stylish camera bag that preferably did not look like a camera bag, what would you recommend?

Must suit a big style camera/dslr style. Padding etc. Room for extras (batteries, flash, perhaps extra lens... and a change of clothes for a 3 year old.

Would prefer messenger style with wide shoulder strap (though depending on bag this is not essentially a major influence).

I really like tracyjoy.com - both the Joey and the Kristine. though I would be worried I'd looks the flaps!

Etsy have a few options... xcessRise and stitchwicked for instance

George Gina & Lucy have some nice stuff... if only their website was easy to navigate! and if they were not $200 a pop.

Spam me people! Spam me!

Successful shopping trip!

2008-08-30T16:33:00.004+10:00

It's big. It's black. It's VERY shiney. Welcome to our family Baby Aquos! *drool* 81cms of flat beautiful LCD colour. *gaaaaar homerstyle*

AND! I found a MASSIVE lincraft near our house! OMG! Heaven. AND cheaper than Spotlight! AND massive. did I say that already? Oh. I like I like I like.

AND! Tara got Rainbow Shoelaces!

AND! I am going to a fashion show tonight to raise money to build toilets (I think) in India... or somewhere.

Today is a good day.

Now, to spruce myself up a bit!

Oh No!

2008-08-29T20:36:00.001+10:00

Our TV just died.

I don't know who is more upset, Tara or Me. She's crying because Idol was on when it happened. Ally is celebrating because it means he has justifiable reason to buy the new TV we have been talking about.

gotta love technology.

In other news,

I see the fertility specialist on monday after an ultrasound revealed my ovaries are Polycystic. Joy Joy.

Children's Song Groups and Religion

2008-08-26T08:35:00.002+10:00

The wiggles were singing "and hear the word from the lord" this morning. (Dem Bones Dem Bones Dem Thigh Bones song)

Adult pop groups often sing about God/Jesus/Allah/Whoever in their songs, but I can easily turn off my listening to those bits if I want...

But the Wiggles? Since when did they start showing Religious Favouritism?

All about Tara.

2008-08-23T11:27:00.002+10:00

Favourite Tara-isms

"I wan a duddle"
"woh dee dee dee?" (watch dvd with plead)
"doast" (anything using bread)
"I wan [insert whatever]" (includes Food, drink, Toy, That! - whatever THAT! is...)
She especially loves it when she sees something on TV "I wan wat dat" Especially a favourite when the Aussie Idol add comes on TV.

Which leads into the new "I want" phrase.

I was looking for a doona cover for her (the eternal quest at the moment!) and she saw what I was looking for and looked at me and said "I want pooh bear bed"

*slaps head*

She currently has an obsession with Pooh bear. Started with huggies, which we wanted to get her out of, so we changed from pooh bear nappies to pooh bear knickers. She's dry most of the time now hehe... but it has also backfired in her wanting all things Pooh. We downloaded the Pooh bear 1970s movie for her and she watched it over and over (we've been sick in this house!) and then when she wanted to watching AGAIN, I just had to say "Pooh Bear Sleep". She took that OK. but has asked for everything pooh bear since. Pooh Books, Pooh DVD, Pooh Knickers and now Pooh Bed.

I am trying to dissuade her a bit, but at the same time, how much of this is her and her self expression...? Would I be enabling the consumerism obsessed child if I actually got her a Pooh Doona? Since it is half the price of the doona I ACTUALLY want to get her (Freckles Dragonfly that I am not buying for $100!)...

I would not mind so much if I could find a classic pooh doona in double for $50-$60, but it's all modern/70s pooh... :(

Argh... dilemas!!

Recipe Please?

2008-08-21T15:56:00.003+10:00

I am after a VERY easy, simple and quick biscuit recipe.

Biccies should be slightly soft and chewy, not crunchy.

It has to be a basic recipe that I can alter with fruit/choc/jam when I need.

Must be easy for 3 year old to help.

I have eggs, flour (plain, corn, self raising), butter, sugar (brown and white and caster), golden syrup, custard powder... maybe bicarb...?

Link me people! (or comment with the recipe!)

Little Words

2008-08-12T20:41:00.003+10:00

Three little words:

I knew it.

One down, One (maybe two) to go.

I don't want Balls!

2008-08-08T21:54:00.002+10:00

OK... something is getting on my nerves a lot at the moment and so thought I would do what I do wonderfully on my blog. Rant.

Let me make it clear - I am not a male. I don't want to be a male. I don't strive to be more manly.

So why on earth does someone thing it appropriate to tell me I have Balls when I have done a good thing?

Why is saying "You've got Balls!" a compliment when said to a woman?

I don't have balls. I don't want Balls.

OVARIES PEOPLE!!

I HAVE OVARIES!

I am sick of seeing it on TV, or on movies, or on the radio that the epitome of someone doing a bold activity causing awe from those around is met with the same crap "you've got balls" comment... sure. Men do, but WOMEN DO NOT.

so, next time you want to say Balls to me, think again ;)

When good shopping trolleys go bad.

2008-07-31T14:30:00.002+10:00

I bought a grandma trolley today. It was black and lovely. I filled it up. Not too heavy. Carried child and groceries and trolley and we boarded the bus. We took the bus home and waited for it to stop. When the bus stopped child walked down steps and was fine, but someone thought they should help her. Unlike me who had two green bags and a shopping trolley (and a handbag to boot!). Trolley got stuck and then POP! The wheel just gave way. 100 meters from home and too heavy to carry. Hail Cab.

$5.50 later, I got home.

Damn shopping trolley.

The end.

The ball has officially started rolling

2008-07-24T17:08:00.003+10:00

New eating plan is being organised
Blood tests being organised
Ultrasound being organised

Hopefully start ironing out some kinks and will have a baby in no time. Well, at least be pregnant.

Doctor is good. Not looking into anything major yet, just asking a few medical questions. Will go see the naturopath after the ultrasound report and take some stuff from there.

Doctor believes my theory on why I got pregnant with Tara - or more to the point How. will be doing some more research.

Also had a pap smear done. Only 4 years late or so.. thought it was about time.

Mmm. Dinner!

2008-07-24T15:40:00.001+10:00

It is a bit of a bad sign when you remember dinner cooking on the stove only when you can smell it.

*cough*

I have the delightful smell of burnt chilli con carne whafting through the house.

Charming.

*gag*

Want to make a quick quid?

2008-07-22T21:08:00.003+10:00

I was approached on the street tonight by a man. Scared the shit out of me.

I get out of the car and hear "Just try me... I'll put one in ya!" and I gulp. I am walking to the house from my car when I hear that. I then think, have I locked the car properly? Walking a back the guy goes

Scary Man "Hey love... love... want to make some money"
Me: "No thanks" Lock car (it was already locked)
SM: "I'll give you $400"
Me: "No thanks" (holding keys pointy end out ready to stab and scream)
SM: "I'll give you $400 is you can get me the f**k out of here...!"
Me: "Sorry..." (Fast pace to house and hastily open door and close door after watching him start knocking the door of the house he came from)

My heart was beating. Ally told me I should call the cops, and yes, I did want to. At the same time, this guy just saw me get out of my car and go to my house. What if he was to come to the house tomorrow when it is just Tara and me, after the cops have picked him up...?!

Tell you what. Redfern area can be scary sometimes.

Loosing things (and my mind)

2008-07-20T18:09:00.002+10:00

How is it I can go to the shops and buy 100 things (close!) on the spare of a moment, and yet when I get home I cannot find the ONE thing I specifically wanted to get from the store? ARGH! It's on the receipt. I remember seeing it. I remember holding it. I am almost certain I have seen it since I got home. But do you think I can find it right at this moment when I want to use it? *headdesk*

So, the 100 things. I happened to walk into Kmart when they had a 20c sale. I bought BEADS. Lots of BEADS. And scrapbooking stuff too. Did I mention beads?

What have I lost? 5m of Elastic Nylon thread for beads (which is what i went to the store for in the first place!). I have the Nylon thread, but not the elastic. dagnabbit! AND it was not a 20c purchase. It set me back $1.50!!!

*sigh* Added to my frustrations I cannot, for the life of me, find my box of swarovski crystals from the wedding. with all my crystals, my pearls, the works. *sigh*

Crocheting up a storm

2008-07-18T13:45:00.003+10:00

OK... so I back with hook in hand, but OMG. How many times can one person stuff up the same row on a tiny bootie!!?!! It is doing my head in . I keep missing stitches!!

Granted, I am making the pattern up based on a bonnet I am doing, and yes, the bootie is small... but still... it's just bloody simple FPDC!!! (*Grins* I am learning terminology! haha!)

I'd be doing the bonnet except I think it is in the car.. :(

so I thought I would make a start on some booties... :D

Just got back from Brissie last night... will do a catch up post later!

Shape of a Mother

2008-07-08T08:39:00.003+10:00

I used to love visiting Shape of a Mother as I thought it was a beautiful sentiment - that women could see just how normal their body was as either a pregnant woman or a post-baby woman. The photos were sometimes confronting, but in a beautiful way. Dark, mysterious, you look at the stretch marks and rub and touch your own nodding your head thinking "I have the same ones".

But now SOAM is really starting to piss me off. Many of the photos have become sexualised, posed, almost pornographic. I have no problems with nudity at all, and think the program has been wonderful, but why are women all of a sudden needing to do sultry eyes, bum-in-the-air, pornesque shots? You don't need to make yourself look sexy to the audience. Sure, take sexy photos for your partner, show off everything, but women don't need to compare themselves to someone who's trying to look hot in a little lacy knicker set.

We are mums or mums to be trying to come to terms with our new and improved baby bodies, even if that improvement includes a road map of lines. Why do we need to look at soft-porn in the process?

/rant

Family.

2008-07-06T08:24:00.003+10:00

Gotta love dysfunctional families.

My brother just packed his bags on a big guilt trip (thanks for the terminology Katy!) and I doubt he will get off the road until Christmas.

And if I find out he met up with our dad in the last 4 days, hell will break loose (and I think A and I would both be beyond pissed then)...

grrr.

Feeling Spesh.

2008-07-04T20:54:00.003+10:00

I have new hair. Cut. Colour. Blowwave. I almost feel like a new woman. I even have two new pairs of jeans and a top to round off the feeling.

Now, if only I could loose some weight and really feel like a new woman. I think maybe I need to do some more belly dancing...

However. Having said that, my feet might not cope with that. I consulted Dr Google tonight (hehe) and think I may have Tendocalcaneal bursitis... having looked up numerous places on the net I am convinced. And I think the pain in my heels would agree.

My mummy just went home today. Tara and I both miss her already. "Nanna Dom" (Nanna gone)... "Nanna gone?".... Tara then runs off to find her in the house...

We went shopping. Took a ferry down the parramatta river. Had dinner with friends. Nice time. Too short.

OOoh. in other news, I have a breast pump kit for loan now.. :) a massive box of stuff donated to me to help my AP friends :) how cool eh?

Now... back to my pain problem... argh!!!! I think I need drugs.

Mice....!

2008-06-23T21:47:00.002+10:00

Cass. Cover your eyes.

Ok, I have been nice. I've been friendly. I have requested they leave, bargained with them (it was a wee bit one sided), I have even threatened them. But no. Instead of heeding my warnings they just decided to procreate and there were more and more and more. And then the cheeky bloody buggers would come and BOAST about being in my lounge room.

So while I adore rats and mice as pets, when wild ones start leaving their droppings in Tara's toybox and they start tapdancing on the foil in the grill, it is time to do something.

I had tried traps recently, but all they did was eat whatever it was I put on there. While I would prefer not to kill the buggers, and I can hear many readers (all 4 of you) screaming to leave them be... I am OVER it... and I did not under any circumstances want to bait them - I prefer the quick trap method.

Anyhoo. I bought new traps. Surprisingly cheaper than the first lot, but I remember using these at the farm. You don't have to get your fingers caught in the springs, and you don't need to touch a mouse.

So, to spare you all the gory details. I am currently winning I think. 5 mice down. At least 2 more to go.... The first 4 were young ones. Not the big one who would come into the middle of the lounge and laugh at me. He is still around. I heard one in the study behind me about 2 minutes ago... so he's around... and I just spotted the other in the grill.

Believe me, the disinfectant will be getting yet another work out tomorrow.

2008-06-22T09:16:00.002+10:00

Yesterday we were at Bark in the Park in Surry Hills. Tara, Mika and I went down and had a blast.

So as Tara settled in to being comfortable with all the people there, she attached herself to a few choice people and their pooches. When I was trying to get her to leave I discovered her on a picnic blanket with this lovely, beautiful woman and her old, but very cute little dog. She was having a conversation, of which only she understood, and I just said to the lady "nod and smile! That's what we do!" She laughed and continued to have a play with Tara and Mika and Jake.

Soon, her boyfriend came over (while I went and won Tara a DVD - Tara was still in eyeline), and Tara started fawning over him. Adopted him as a friend too. It was not until I brought the DVD back that I discovered who Tara's new Friends actually were. Stevie Jacobs and his beautiful girlfriend. Mika and Tara were all over the two of them. Tara bestowing the ultimate form of friendship - throwing dried grass all over the two of them.

It was so funny to watch, and when we went to leave, the high fives were flowing. It was so funny to see Tara just warm to these strangers... she felt so at home with them. Just shows how great Stevie is with kids after all the work he does with them...

So there you go... minor celebs wrapped around Tara's fingers... :)

Two Posts in Two days... whatever will you do?!

2008-06-20T22:46:00.004+10:00

You'd think that after 5 years of living here, my neighbours would have had enough of yelling each other. But noooo. As each subsequent child gets older, and hits their later adolescent years the fights get louder.

Mental note for anyone hiring vehicles. If you are ever asked to top up the fuel - please take note of what fuel the vehicle requires. Otherwise the people who use it next will not be very happy little cookies. Just ask Ally.

Tara apparently had no problems with day care today. And someone even brushed her hair! (it was such a mess when I sent her!)

If you found some money on the ground (more than ten bucks) what would you do with it? If you take the money, will Karma come back and bite you? Or is Karma just rewarding you for all the prior good deeds? Would handing it in be slapping poor Karma in the face? Or exponentially increasing the bounty for next time?

Is it wrong to feel fluttery when a workman flashes you "one of those smiles" when you are standing right next to your husband?

I love my new handbag. Ruby you inspired me when you were here with all your talk of finding the right bag.

I am adoring bellydancing. Now, if only I was good at it.

My eyes are barely staying open.

Good Night.

Love you. I do!

2008-06-18T20:46:00.003+10:00

It has been too long. I know. I suck. Let's move on, shall we?

Tara is adorable. Today we were at an ABA meeting showing people how to use slings and baby carriers and I had Tara in a front carry ring sling for a while. She grabbed me by the cheeks and planted a gentle kiss on my lips. Again. And again. And again! It was a magical moment of kissing.

We have been having a lot of fun out recently. It is lovely. I enjoy her so much. Most of the time at least!!

Her language is slowly taking off. She's speaking in many sentences at the moment. Unfortunately I am the only one who can understand her. And it's not just me interpreting what she is saying, I can hear the different sounds she makes and knows what it is she wants. Ally has to often ask me to translate for him because he has no idea.

I am on the hunt for a blue and black tutu at the moment. I found one on etsy that I love, but I would prefer to keep the money in australia and pay less money for it (it's still cheap, so I might do it anyways). I might make her a white tutu to start with though since i have so much tulle left over from the wedding. Here is the Etsy listing.

I am doing OK. I am still very down about not being pregnant and as much as I try not to think about it, we are coming up to a year soon and while that is not long in many peoples books, it is a long time for me. I really really need to get myself to a doctor and get myself looked at. Though, as the saying goes, it takes two to tango, so we should probably see the doc together and take it from there. I am over the heartbreak though. My cycles are all over the place My last cycle was 49 days.

I am trying to do some websites at the moment. Some very exciting things going on. If only I could get the other half to understand I am serious when I request he does something in regards to domains and hosting and things like that. It would make it a lot easier.

Leah at http://ozazure.blogspot.com posted about Reborn Dolls the other day with a video link. It connects my latest obsession with trying to find one of these dolls. I can't afford a workshop yet, and am not sure I really want to get into the painting side, though, I probably would if I had the space. I really need to make the studio usable upstairs. Anyways, at the moment I am designing a website for two places, one for a SAHM, the other for a Reborn Nursery (none in particular). I am hoping I might be able to trade the website design template and all the graphics associated with it (and a domain name as well) as a package to someone who might like to trade for a Doll. I Just need to find the perfect Kit at the moment. I have fallen in love with the folks at Bountiful Baby and am part of the forums there. They have been so lovely!! Hopefully someone there will fall in love with my Website stuff and will trade off for a doll. Each doll values from between $150 and $500 - with some getting up in the thousands. This is one of my favourite Dolls... Paisley . NOw wile I understand some people are not very into these dolls, for me I adore both the newborn aspect, but I really appreciate the artistic skill need to make one of these dolls REAL. I am *very* fussy with the type of doll I like.. though many are cute and beautiful, there are some things I prefer not to see on a doll, and some things that I really think a doll needs..... argh. I am such a critic LOL.

My best friend Ruby was up for a week. I missed her the moment she left. She was amazing to have here and really helped me, and I think picked up my spirits a bit. I think I have been trapped in a bit of a slump and having her here really helped pull me out of it a bit. I am glad she visited, even if it was because she had to get out of warrnambool.

My course is goign good, though I really need to get back into it a bit more. I have been having a bit of a rest but I think it is time to pull up my bootstraps. I am itching to start taking clients... I really should get my act together though!!

Right... I think this is enough for now... I have not died. I am still around. Miss you all. I follow your blogs lots! Post your blog below though in case I don't - I will add you to my feed!

Much love

K xx

Random Stuff

2008-05-22T20:33:00.004+10:00

Hey stace! will get around to my tagging soon.

Congratulations K on the arrival of little cherub M. I cannot wait to hear the story of her arrival.

Before anyone asks. Nope. Not Pregnant.

Doing great in my course. Having a breather for a week, and then will be stuck right in it again.

I bought my dress for phantom of the opera. It's RED!
I bought my bra to match the dress for phantom. It's Black. And sexy. And cost me $8!! I bought 13 pairs of socks, 1 pair of Nothing Knickers, 5 bras and a lovely new top for $22 at Kmart today. 4 of those bras cost me 60 cents each. (75 cents with 20% off!!) I love finding bargains.

I need someone to buy a logo or a website off me. anyone?

Tara is driving me batty tonight.

Ally is going to the movies with the other woman once child and I go to bed.

Tara has daycare tomorrow. Tears from both of us I am sure. Ask me in two more weeks time how she's going. Or if she is still going. Mixed opinions.

I was in a big Sydney Newspaper recently for belly dancing. Oops. In two photos. Double oops. I looked like crap. Triple oops.

I love belly dancing so much - even though I SUCK BIG TIME!

That's enough of a random update. Miss you all. Still in a blogging funk. Getting out of my life funk. I'll be back soon, I promise.

Library Thing

2008-05-07T16:48:00.001+10:00

(Why do I wish to day THANG?)

Anyhoo... been meaning to put this on since the AllDoulas crowd introduced me to LT, but then I forgot. Well I saw WonderingWillow has it on her site and I felt all inspired again.

Thing is... I cannot get it to display properly!! it just does them inline - even when I don't choose inline... argh! can anyone help?

More Results!

2008-05-06T19:26:00.001+10:00

I got full marks on the last test! yeeeehaaaaww!

I got a question wrong on the test before it though which was a silly mistake. ugh!

Moving on to doing my assignment and the teaching module. Very excited

Yippee!

Yay me! Results for my tests.

2008-05-04T20:49:00.003+10:00

OK. I have two left, but I need to do some more study for those (want them done by the end of the week).

The last couple of weeks i have been making some progress on my course. I have managed to polish off 6 tests in the last couple of weeks.

My marks have been OK. Considering they are multiple choice, true or false, open tests you can download ahead of time, I consider the fact I have dropped the ball a few times a bit sad. But tonight I have scored full marks on TWO of my tests! And I had a grade amended on another test because I proved the question was left open to interpretation and I proved my case for the answer. Yay me!

So, two left in this series (Physiology of Birth tests), another on teaching in the next module, my assignment (which the first part is written in detail, need to do some more) and then the next modules (the teaching stuff).

I am feeling motivated and excited, which is nice for a change.

Hair.... wonderful hair....

2008-05-04T08:16:00.002+10:00

I was inspired on Friday to dye my hair. Tara's carer had dyed their hair and had a chop, and I felt all inspired to at least dye my hair.

I went to the supermarket, found some dye and decided on the colour. Dark Medium Brown. Not reddish brown. Not copper. Not purple. Just plain simple brown.

I get home, mix the packet apply to my head. Then I decide to clean up and I noticed the box. It did not say brown. It did not say red. It did not even say purple.

It said "Thailand Ebony"

I meant to get "Brazil Brown"

My hair was in the process (by this time it had been on 20 mins) of turning BLACK!!!

So anyway. Now I have black hair. very black hair. It really pays to check the box immediately before applying dye.

Sewing Machines

2008-05-02T21:08:00.001+10:00

Well, as many of you know my plans for the business went a little south when I did not get the sewing machine for christmas. Well, I plan to put one on layby this weekend or next.

I am looking at the following machines - yes, they are all Janome. This is important!

Click on the name of the machine to view the brochure!

CS995 <---- has speed control, memory function, alphabet included in stitches, unsure on the superior feed system (7 contact spots where the foot is) $799

DC3050 <----- no speed control, can handle extra fabric depth, no superior feed system, memory function... $699

MC3500 <----- has speed control, superior feed system , not as many stitches, $599

625e <----- speed control, limited stitches, heavy duty, no superior feed system. heavy duty $449

So do any of you have any of these machines?

I really want to put one on layby this weekend somewhere... and I have narrowed it down to those machines.

your wisdom is appreciated!

Slack is just another word describing me.

2008-04-30T06:23:00.000+10:00

Another month has gone by and I have not blogged. Sorry dear readers, I have just been in la la land and distracted.

Anyways... not much has happened really. I have lots of photos to post of Tara when I get the camera back from Ally.

I am going to be working one day a week for the rest of this term. The plus side of this is I might score a free ticket to the Ball. Whoop!

It's a bit stressful in my life at the moment. feel a bit down really. can't put my finger on it, but it'll be alright.

No. I am not pregnant. Have been asked a dozen times in 4 days "when are you having another" or "are you going to have another" or "She needs a sibling" Yes people. I know. I realise this. Shut up already.**

sigh.

Not feeling high spirited today, but I wanted to post and try and start blogging again.

**friends excluded.

The generosity is bursting my heart

2008-03-30T09:39:00.006+11:00

As many of you know, I am setting up a new business. Due to lack of funds, lack of a sewing machine, and lack of product, my store has been put on hold - yet again! argh. It is gut wrenching to get my hopes up and have them break again.

So, while venting to a friend (who is also a supplier!) last night, an arrangement was made. OMG. How wonderful! This means that I will be able to get the sling side of the business working, which will hopefully fund the new sewing machine! Which will get the nappies working again. The fact I have no money has made it really difficult to buy stock of any sort. Hopefully this will get me off the ground a bit more.

Also, since the store side of things was not going strong, I have put the website up with some custom made Doula and CBE graphics for people to buy. Significantly cheaper than a custom design (but you don't get full perks with a premade), and pretty much ready to go. So if you know someone in the Birth field, http://www.mamaluna.com.au is the place to go. I'll be uploading the proper site in the near future (once the CSS gets unkinked!)

I am just bursting with the generosity of Belinda. Don't forget to check out her store!!

http://www.bearhugbaby.com.au

:D

I feel so stupid!

2008-03-19T20:57:00.003+11:00

Ever say something that you believed with all of your heart to be true, only to be proven that it's not, and you've offended people in the process?

Did that tonight. I feel horrible. Physically ill. I am glad I am going to be offline for a couple of days. I feel beyond terrible.

There is not a rock big enough.

Congratulations

2008-03-18T19:40:00.001+11:00

J and R... my heart is bursting, my eyes are weeping.

Full of joy at your BFP.

lots of love for a boring, simple, run of the mill pregnancy.

As blue as the loo.

2008-03-17T20:50:00.004+11:00

You know that blue colour? The one they put in loos? The Cake is almost black, but when water touches it, the water turns a rich and beautiful cyan colour? (let's forget for a moment just how scary a blu loo can be!). Well, I am living in the blue colour at the moment.

A small "cake" of high grade, very special watercolour paint fell out of the palette (thank's to unsupervised toddler and a busy mama) and landed on our floor and broke. No problem. Child stomped on it. No problem. I picked it up and dusted a little. Then I grabbed a damp cloth.

You can see where this is going, can't you?

As soon as the water touched the watercolour paint crumbs the floor turned cyan. Thank goodness for floorboards! However, the crumbs managed to get INTO THE CRACKS! Fabulous. Not to mention the fact that a few feet had already trodden crumbs around the house.

Well, now we have blue everywhere. Feet are blue, socks are blue, floors are blue, the bath is blue, fingers are blue, dogs paws are blue, even tara's wee appears to be blue (I am guessing from sitting in crumbs?)

Now, it's not as if I have not cleaned up. Mopping just makes the floor bluer. Vaccuuming does not work because the crumbs have melted (with the water from the cloth) into the floor. Sweeping just spreads the blue bits everywhere. These blue bits are SMALLER THAN A PIN HEAD! and stain everything (remember, high grade artist watercolour!).

ARGH

I am so over Blue!

Books, Books, Glorious Books!

2008-03-16T17:44:00.003+11:00

I love books. I've been buying lots of books.

Here is my birth library if people want to look.

Anyways, I was wondering if any of my dear readers have, by any chance, my Copies of Birth Reborn or Childbirth Without Fear? I have a tendency to loan out my books and forget where they go...

So if you have them, could you let me know?

Stace, I have your Nursing companion book too, lol

Crisis Averted

2008-03-16T14:08:00.002+11:00

We have a new Bodum (8 cup), and so all is well in the world of coffee in our house.

I should add that the coffee tasted really really good when we used it - even better than the old, which is strange... since they are essentially the same thing, but I am not complaining that we have a new one!

I cannot believe it broke

2008-03-15T19:11:00.003+11:00

It was not my fault. The other half badly stacked pile of washed dishes (but he washed them!).
I went to turn a tap on at the sink, and it was a cascade of pots and plates. Directly on top of our Bodum.

*breaths*

yes. The 12 cup, lasts me a morning, beautiful, every faithful Bodum. Just as I start getting back into drinking real coffee. Just as I get myself hooked on my morning coffee. Just as I buy a brand new packet of beautiful coffee. Just as I get my period again. What the hell is a girl supposed to do?

*reaches for the wine glass*

Bare with me while I grovel

2008-03-12T09:54:00.004+11:00

Please forgive me! I've been a slack blogger. I've just had zero inspiration to blog at the moment. Life has been busy, hectic, crazy, weird.

So. I have LOTS to catch up on.

First - I have been Tagged....

Seven random facts

Here are the rules:
1. Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog.
2. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.
3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
4. Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Now, pretty much everyone I know has been tagged - so if you read this thread and have NOT been tagged, consider yourself so. Leave me a post to tell me, and I'll come visit! :)

1. I have developed a fear of balloons. Helium ones specifically, but not exclusively. And it's only if they are rubbing near my ears. I freak out. Start hyperventilating almost. Sweat. Want to run away. Thank you Westfield Shopping Centre for providing my child with the balloon to start this fear.

2. I still dream in Danish often. But have to try and translate when I wake up. really weird. (I lived in Denmark for a year in 1997)

3. I have had surgery 3 times in my life.

4. Some days I wish I was uber Hippy. Others I wish I was just uber hip. I have bad sense in clothes, shoes and how to carry myself eloquently. I admire women who can be both hippy and hip/mainstream without much effort in their looks. And yes, my looks are important to me, don't shoot me.

5. I am a shopaholic with no boundaries with spending. I have no idea how to do it. Never worked it out. I struggle big time. If there is money there it burns a hole in my pocket, so I try not to have it. At the same time I loath the fact I cannot just go into a store and buy something because it is there. Money is one of my worst enemies. Myself is one of the other enemies.

6. I long for old friendships - even if they were toxic and bad for me. I reminisce about days-of-old, what we used to do, where we could have gone with the friendships. I mourn some of these often. Though at times, I am so glad these are out of my life.

7. I long to have my own car. Or a bike trailer. Though would need to get my bike out of the store room. Maybe I could try that today.
------------------

Ok... so that catch up is done.

next. Tara had the pox. It was not too bad, all things considered. Unless you take into account the worry and stress and self loathing I placed on myself for potentially infecting a tonne of people at the park because I mis-read some information I was given. So so so sorry still.

She got most of the spots on her face and her back left shoulder. They are all healed now, and barely a scab is left. Here is a photo to show the spots! (all the other photos are blurry. My "new" camera sucks!)

While we are talking about Tara... She's completely in knickers now - even for bed. Big yay! (not photo with knickers). Though most of the time she is naked from the waist down...

Here is a random photo of Tara over christmas holidays at nanna's house.

When we realised Tara had chickenpox we made a very quick trip down to the pet store and we bought some new residents for our house. We set the tank up in her room (we had the tank already - it just needed fish!) We have had one fatality, but the rest are doing fantastically! No names. They are just "Fiss!"

In other news, I am thinking about getting my nose pierced. Though I think about this at least once a year, so don't put much weight into it yet!

I am studying and reading lots at the moment. Still have not sent my ABA stuff in. I should print off the stuff today.

I have been doing OK on my domestic Goddess Challenge. I managed to clean my desk! *gasp!*

Here is a before (don't throw up or ridicule me! it takes a lot for me to show this!!)

and here is the after!

I am so VERY proud of myself! I have even catalogued my birth library of books! I have a program on my computer called eLibPro, as well as a program online LibraryThing - my list. I really love having all the details quickly available. Will be good for people to look at and borrow should they wish! :) I need to start collecting some more books though.. :) haha.

Talking of books, I am selling some. Anyone want a book on Cavaliers, Bonsai or weddings? I have a few self help books as well.

OK. I am going to publish this post and have a think about other things I need to inform the world about! for now, I'll sign off. mwah!

Lots of sighs

2008-02-27T20:01:00.002+11:00

I wanted to write a big post, apologise for not being here for my dear blog, to tell the world I was still alive. Record some things about Tara, how she is growing and beautiful and the funny things she does.

Instead I want to cry, hide my head in a bucket and pray my child sleeps all night and that I can sleep in.

She's got the Pox, and while they are not bugging her, she's still sick and we are still stuck in a house for two weeks.

I know this will pass but I am feeling fragile and upset and I just want to run away tonight.

Hormones are playing a big part (Ovulation anyone?) but I don't really care much. Ok, I do, but not that much.

I miss a particular friend lots (waves to C) and her wisdom and guidance.

I am sick of listening to Hoop-de-do it's a wiggly party (doing my head in!!!)

Anyways. enough of me whinging. I am sure I'll have stuff happier to blog about in the future.

Much love to you out there.

K.

PS: we now have 6 fish.

Learning the Tarot

2008-02-17T15:46:00.003+11:00

I am attempting to learn the Tarot at the moment. I need to learn the cards, and I will get there slowly, but at the moment I am asking the cards questions every now and then - dealing out cards (the number of cards is the first number to pop into my head), and then I use my special book to understand what the cards say.

Not technically the right way to do it, but I figure it's best to listen to the cards and my heart - 'cause that way I will get a better reading. At least, that's my reasoning and I am sticking to it for now!

I just asked the cards a simple question. Will I get my Homebirth?

The Star, The World, Strength.

For those who are in the know, care to elaborate?

For me I see it as this.

The Star: A positive card. New life, Faith, Hope.
The World: Finished, completion, End of a Cycle, Success and Fulfilment
Strength: Courage of Convictions, Full of heart, Desire, triumph, inner power

(these words are all taken from the book - I'm just drawing of the powerful words)

Not bad, eh?

Recent cards have said I'll have a Girl (complete opposite of Tara, and I had a vision of her that night - black hair and quiet... !) This is also weird as I have had really strong boy vibes for the last couple of months...

She'll have something to do with Aries (conceived or born?) and Pluto.. (pluto is a hard one, other than Pluto is in a year of change over at the moment and is back in the Sagittarian zone briefly next month on the Pisces and Aries cusp)

Um... and I did another card spread recently that quickly deciphered said that there is a bit of a journey (have I done that already, or is that to come?) until we get our next baby, but it will definitely happen and will be perfect.

Hippy much?

Domestic Goddess in Training

2008-02-15T11:43:00.003+11:00

I am baking.

*gasp*

Yup. Proper baking even. Not a packet mix to be seen. I found a recipe on the Wide Web, and thought - that looks simple enough. I even have the ingredients (ok, so I went looking for a recipe that would fit my ingredients - including the singular egg in the fridge).

So I am making Banana Bread. Mmm. I hope it works. It smells good. Though that could be the tablespoon or so of cinnamon I dropped into the bowl. Or the Cardamom I put in first mistaking it for the cinnamon. (Doing well, aren't I!). Oh. And I put in 3 bananas because I am sure that's what the recipe called for (it called for two). So I could have a very wet sludgy loaf of bread because there is too much banana and not enough egg. And an extra teaspoon of baking powder.

I can hear you all laughing at me now!

Let's hope it works. It looks yum. smells yum. I just want it to taste yum.

February 13 - Sorry Day

2008-02-13T19:03:00.002+11:00

Today is Sorry Day. The day the Australian Prime Minister said sorry to the Stolen Generations of Australian Aborigines, to their culture, to the elders, to the brothers to the sisters. A day where, as a nation, we all came together to remember the atrocities carried out in the name of our great country.

As one of the Redfern Aboriginal Men said

"This morning it rained - The tears of mourning the past. This afternoon it shines, the start of a bright tomorrow" (or something close! I lost part of it with the huge uproar of cheering)

It was very profound though.

And very moving.

Let us hope the tears never stop, and the sun never hides. We need to remember the past, and always strive for a brighter future.

I am so in love - I want for Tara's Room!

2008-02-07T20:37:00.000+11:00

OK.. I made the mistake of going onto Etsy earlier. Anyways, I found an artist who I am in love with. Totally and unashamedly! I am going to have to save some pennies to buy some art. I think I wany 5 prints to hang on Tara's wall... $75US though... eep! I'll have to save some pennies... and then decide which ones I like.

So without further Ado... please go and visit Gorjuss! (this is the blog link - you can get to etsy from there!)

Suggest to me ones I should buy!

Birthing Dreams

2008-02-07T08:37:00.001+11:00

It would be no surprise to some of my readers (all 4 of you!) that I sometimes have very vivid birthing dreams. Well, I had another one the other night and it was the most beautiful dream.

I thought I would share it with you.

------------

We are in the car, overseas somewhere because we are driving on the wrong side of the road. It is a freeway, but as I look out the window there is no traffic on the left side of the road coming towards us. The right side of the road was packed however and traffic was moving very slowly. Horns were blowing, people were cursing and there was anger floating like smog over our heads. I looked down the road and saw there was a lady walking towards us down the center of the freeway.

I got out of the car and walked towards her. She was a beautiful indian lady dressed in a sari of earthy tones. She would have been about 30, however she had grooves and wrinkles and lines across her face from the life she'd already walked. She'd had a hard life - she was beautiful, full of character and experience. We came face to face and I asked her what the trouble was. She said she did not know. I watched her face grimace. You are in labour, I told her. She reached for me with the next contraction and we knelt down on the ground together. We sat their silently. The traffic was still banked up and there was still abuse streaming around us. Her contractions were coming so thick and fast, but she barely made a sound.

Suddenly she looked into my eyes - deeply with her beautiful black pools and we were connected, and we were locked together. She reached for my hands and our fingers interlocked. She was kneeling up high, and pulling on my hands. I was pulling back to give her counter-action. Suddenly her sari stared moving. I reached down and felt under her robe and found the baby had been birthed. I grabbed the woman's hands and helped her lift up her baby. A chortling gurgle came from the child as it was place against her mother. You have a baby girl, I said. She looked at her daughter and the air suddenly felt clear. The traffic started moving, the sun came out and the little girl nuzzled for her mother's breast.

She looked at me and said thank you before using my shoulder as a balance to stand. She bowed her head in thanks and slowly walked down the road with her baby.

---------------------

So that was it. I woke up here, or at least cannot remember any more.

Does anyone care to decipher it for me? I have my own theories on it, which I will share in another post - but I want to hear if anyone else can read into this beautiful magical dream

Domestic Goddess Challenge #2

2008-02-05T17:06:00.000+11:00

Do not doubt yourself.

Even when you think you are doing a crap job, but are definately trying do not let other people get to you. My mother said something last night on the phone to me about cleaning the house and I felt about an inch tall. I am SERIOUSLY trying to get my house in order, so the fact that a comment was made almost set me back to doing nothing.

I need to lift up beyond that.

So, here are some tips for the week ahead

When decluttering, if you have to think more than 3 seconds on whether you want it, you don't - so throw it out!

Be Bold and ask for help! If it feels too big, maybe it is. Some fresh eyes might benefit you here.

Take note of other people's houses and take something away with you as how they live their lives. It could be the way they sort their washing, to the way they have their crockery in the cupboard! Every house has a tip! You just need to see it.

Ikea is your friend. They know how to declutter and use space in their designs. Everything is functional. Take note of their lessons (I am yet to go there - Ally believes it is the most evil place on the planet!)

So... who do my top tips go to?

Kate at Picklebums for reminding me about Ikea
Casso for her tip on doing the arm sweep every time you pick up something from the floor. Oh, this is a good one that I MUST practise!

Here you go ladies!

Go and see Kylie!

2008-02-05T15:28:00.001+11:00

http://littlebirdbluedesigns.blogspot.com/

I know Kylie from one of the forums I frequent and have followed her beautiful crafts for a while. Well, now she has a blog! And a business and website all up and running.

I urge you all to visit her, 'cause I think her stuff is fabulous!

The pain! The PAIN!

2008-02-02T20:17:00.000+11:00

I found muscles I never knew existed today. And boy do they hurt now. I did a belly dancing introductory class and can I just say - OW!

I enjoyed it immensely! it was SO GOOD! But I suck at it. Sometimes it would be nice to have some natural physical ability (I sucked at sports too!). I don't think I was the worse in the class though - not that I was comparing or anything.

Belly dancing is all in an attempt to get me in better physical shape and prepared for another baby, and to have my hips and pelvis ready to turn a posterior baby, settle a breech, ease labour and use movements to speed it up. Whether it works will be a question best left after the next kidlet arrives though!

In the mean time I could do with a really really hot shower. And maybe a CD to practice some more!!

Aunt or Child?

2008-02-01T19:04:00.000+11:00

So, I'm either pregnant, or Flo's about to knock on my door. I am feeling restless, hormonal, wired, sleepy. My hands feel like they are shaking, but they are not moving at all. My eyes are sleepy, but want to dart around. I am feeling flat, and like I am going to cry at any moment.

In fact I did cry a tear (a single one, because I was too afraid of being embarrassed!) when the lady at McD's (just shhh!) confirmed that indeed there were no Mini M & Ms for a McFlurry, and in actual fact, she could not even give me a flake with my sunday. She could offer me Chocolate Sauce *barf!* but that was it. So I cried and fought the tears and sat down so no one could see me.

Let's pray it is baby hormones and not Aunt. I really really do not want it to be her.

Domestic Goddess Challenge #1

2008-01-30T11:38:00.000+11:00

OK. I admit it. I am a slob, and very poor house keeper. To put it bluntly, I suck.

After someone very dear to me told me my house was "pretty bad" after visiting (and me having a panic attack for the last 6 weeks over it), my new resolution is to become a Domestic Goddess.

Then I thought, well, maybe there are others out there just like me. Or some who have reached that Goddess Status and could impart wisdom to those like me who are on the road to discovery.

So I have a plan. I am inviting others to jump on the Band Wagon and either do a Domestic Goddess post about something you have done, how you did it, favourite tips, skills one needs - and leave a comment with the link so I can write about it in the next post. I'll do awards at the end of the month for my favourite tips! Complete with banner to add to your blog!

I want to learn the Art of how to get my house (and life) in order. I have started by scrubbing out the fridge and tossing anything that is remotely out of date. I am following a mum tip, and putting a bowl of Bicarb in the door to help ward off smells.

I have scrubbed the food cupboard, and restacked the food. I need to learn to buy wisely. And buy more fresh.

The cutlery draw has been washed and scrubbed. Everything in it (we someone was smart enough to put some wet stuff in the draw before we went away and it was mouldy when we came back!). HOwever, I was just reminded we got two cuttlery sets for the wedding, so one is going into the draw. I will toss the rest, and only keep the teaspoons. We always need more teaspoons.

I am going to toss out anything in the utility draw that I have not used in the last 3 months. I will buy a new set of cooking utensils.

Declutter the things I have in the kitchen. Organise the cupboards.

So. Here is the start of the journey. I am going to do this. I want others to join and help me on the way!

Come on, and link some posts! (I'll be waiting eagerly!)

Not yet.

2008-01-24T15:50:00.001+11:00

Ok.. so I am a mama to a two year old and I am so utterly blessed. And as many may know we are hoping for a second child. It's a painful journey, becoming parents. My heart goes out to anyone who has tried to fall pregnant for more than a cycle, 'cause it really does your head in. And for those trying long time - I really feel for you.

Anyways, Tara was a blessed surprise. We had not planned kids yet, but she turned up. We feel truly blessed. However, I was always told I would have trouble having kids. When she came along, I thought they must have been wrong. (They being the "experts"). But when I think back over all I did as a teen, and all I went through as a young adult, and the medical issues I've gone through, I really start to wonder if maybe Tara IS a miracle baby. I know that all babes are miracles, but having supposedly never had a pregnancy before then (who knows if I missed any) I wonder whether or not she was just a fluke.

We've been trying for a wee while, but not long by any stretch of the imagination. It's weird to chart, and try and time and watch your body to optimise when you are going to fall pregnant. I try not to think about it too much. Recently I have been wondering though, if maybe I really do have some fertility issues. The infections, the hospitalisations, the careless escapades I had... make for some scary thoughts.

And seeing so many of my mothers group blessed with their second child or second pregnancy makes me long for it all that much more.

I am sure it will come.

Honeymoon..!

2008-01-24T14:27:00.000+11:00

Ally and I had a honeymoon. Whisked away I was for a secret affair in the Grampians in a Couples Retreat. It was spesh! Champagne and Chocolates on arrival too.

We toured some wineries, drank coffee, dodged kangaroos. We did some shopping and walks and tourist centres. The weather was lovely to boot.

The place we stayed at was a self contained cottage backing onto the national park. I watched families of kangaroos use the back as a thoroughfare!

There was a king-size four poster bed, a very deep two person spa with a window that opened into the lounge so we could watch TV too.

Lovely place! And all without the child! Tara stayed with Nanna for the time we were away. Apparently she did not wake at all through the night! wow!

It was not too traumatising for either of us I do not think!

People should go on honeymoons more often!!!

Now it is my turn!

2008-01-10T11:11:00.000+11:00

Bah Humbug! Now I am sick!

Tara is SLOWLY on the mend. She's got a flu virus of some sort that has manifested in a very nasty way resulting in a measles-like rash all over her body. She's eaten a bit today and is drinking again, but she's sleeping it all off (with the help of some medication). She's been in agony (screaming owie over and over for 4 days) so we've helped her calm down a bit.

The corners of her mouth have split and are infected, but getting better. It's halted any persistent booby that she may have wanted 'cause she can't open her mouth to feed effectively. Poor poppet.

But she did sleep all night (great for her), but as I came down with tonsilitis, I never managed to sleep through. I repeat, bah-humbug.

In other circles, I am sending love and light to my sister.

Tara is sick, take two.

2008-01-07T21:48:00.000+11:00

Ok, so I mentioned the other day that Tara was a bit fever-ridden. Well it got worse over night and her temp was high - she was roasting in my arms! This morning she still had not drunk much or anything, so we booked an appointment with the Dr, just in case.

She was pretty well dehydrated, but ate a little this morning. Good sign. By the time we got to the Dr she was perky, but then she cracked the sides of her lips and started screaming again. Ouch.

we FINALLY got to see a doctor who, in 10 mins gave her the once over, and told us she "has a non-specific virus" with a "non-descript rash" that "should clear up soon".

That will be $50 thanks.

I know that we went there for a bit of piece-of-mind, but that was annoying. She's been clingy and such all afternoon and tonight has not let me go. And screams owie lots. Her skin is sore to the touch - or just sensitive I guess.

She at least drank tonight. And asked for more. Big step forward. And she finally weed this afternoon - 10.5 hours after her earlier wee. I hope she wees overnight. I cannot believe I am willing her to wee in her nappy. Though I would not mind her waking me to go wees.

I just want to sleep. Or have a shoulder massage, then sleep.

Argh.

There's a bear in there, and a booby too!

2008-01-07T21:44:00.000+11:00

Playschool was WONDERFUL this morning!

Big Ted and Little Ted wore cloth nappies.

The window had a story about a new baby sister... and they did not blur out the nappy change! Not only that, they showed BREASTFEEDING! And on top of that they had open booby shots! And quote of the day goes to Jenny's big brother who narrated the piece who said

"It must be really good because she drinks a LOT!" (or something to that effect!)

Playschool, I love you.

It's hot. Awfully hot.

2008-01-05T18:38:00.000+11:00

To touch the little girl. Tara Kate has a temp. And in 35 plus weather, it's a terrible time to get close to 40 degree temps herself.

She's miserable. She picked up for about an hour and a half but has dive-bombed again into a whiney little being. I feel for her. She slept a good portion of the day, but had to be in contact with me much of it so we sweated together.

I just need a break. Was up all night with her, and had her all day. Ally just got home a wee while ago from fishing.... it is his turn to parent for now :) 20 mins is all I ask.

Oh, and Pizza for dinner tonight.

Knickerbocker Knickerbocker Number Nine

2008-01-04T21:18:00.000+11:00

Loves to dance and keep in time...!

That's not what this post is about though!

We went fishing this morning. Got up, put Tara in knickers and shorts and left the house.

We did not come home until 1pm. She did not wee the whole time. She was DRY the whole time. Came home, did a huge wee on the potty, back into knickers and hung out. Had another wee on the potty later and still in knickers! She was in knickers until she went swimming in nanna's wading pool, then naked, then a nappy for the pub, and a nappy for bed.

SO basically, all day... in big girl knickers!

You could knock me down with a feather!

Ending a journey

2008-01-02T20:42:00.000+11:00

I guess I can put this out here now. Now that it is actually happening.

Tara is weaning.

We are down to 1 feed every 2-4 days at the moment. If that. It's usually at night, and if she is inconsolable. Other times if she wakes we just sing and she goes back to sleep.

I must admit that I am feeling a touch of relief with the whole thing. As much as I adored breastfeeding in the beginning, some of my personal struggles later on made it a more difficult journey as she got older. I probably refused more than I should have, but I did offer occasionally.

I guess we will have the odd feed together for a little while yet, though who knows, she may have had her last feed.

When I think about her having her last feed ever, I cry a little. But at the same time I am so proud of the two year mark we made. Although happy about her weaning, I am also sad about loosing that part of our relationship. It's a hard thing to judge my true feelings on.

It's just another step on the road I guess. This journey ends, and another will begin.

Happy New Year - Welcome 2008

2008-01-01T17:20:00.000+11:00

I was looking forward to doing a really special start of the year post, but instead I am feeling miserable and cranky.

Last night I thought I was pregnant. This morning my Period arrived.

It is amazing the emotions you can go through in such an amount of time. I'd thought for Days I could have been pregnant - I mean, I'd done a test and was sure I could see a line, but knew that others would not be able to see it. I was very late with my period and was clinging onto hope. Well the new year brought me just another Flo'

I'm disappointed, a little sad, a little bit in pain (physical). I guess we'll get there.

So, I thought about new years resolutions. I am not one for making them much. I usually break them. The feeble attempts to wish away my weight, get a degree, do something exciting. yada yada. This year will be simple.

*Visit a Naturopath
*Learn to be a cleaner person
*Clean the backyard
*Get Pregnant
*Have a homebirth
*Do my ABA counselling course
*Resume my CBI course
*Launch Mamaluna
*Be gentler to Tara
*Be deeper with Ally

That's all I need to focus on I think. I think that's a fair bit actually. I hope I have the strength to do it all.

So I'm going to sign off. I promise to do the Christmas blog post soon... I'll back date it so keep an eye out.

In the mean time. Happy New Year. Love to all.

Merry Christmas

2007-12-27T12:43:00.000+11:00

(This post has been backdated!)

Merry Christmas everyone! We had an ok day considering the evening before! Although there was lots of discussion about the incident. My little Brother slowly came out of his shell once we went to the farm for lunch - allowing us to see the bruises on his face.

The morning started with Coffee and sleepy eyes. It was a reasonable time, but we were all bleary from being awake quite late. We migrated into the lounge with our cups and our slippers and introduced Tara to her Santa Sack and Stocking.

"ooooh. wow." she kept saying. She slowly pulled everything out piece by piece. Here is a quick rundown of the Loot.

*Big Girl Knickers
*Little Mermaid Helmet
*Streamers for the bike
*A princess/ballet party dress
*Clothes... lots of clothes
*A dolly seat for her bike

I can't recall the rest ha!

She also was given a My Little Pony and some hair clips from her Uncle David, a tambourine from her Auntie Alice, Maraccas and a Sax/Trumpet from Nanna, A teddy bear from Granddad and Nanna Yvonne, A bike from us, some sneakers and that'll do I think!!

Ally scored quite well with a fishing chair and a tent, and some other stuff. Oh, and we were given a sandwich press as well. I got a couple of Photo Boxes.

We had a seafood breakfast (At 11.30am) where we ate cray and prawns. Then we moved to the farm where we ate more seafood, salads and roast meats. It was lovely. Dessert was had at around 6pm. One huge afternoon of eating. Finished with a hit of backyard christmas.

Fantastic.

So there is the wrap up!

A Christmas Eve to remember...

2007-12-27T07:19:00.000+11:00

I have heard some people mention that ever fateful christmas that people would never forget. I knew that many people suffered tragedies, triumphs, highs and lows. I don't think our family had experienced one quite like that. Until Chrismas Eve.

We had a lovely dinner at my mum's place, then we all headed down to the local pub for celebratory drinks. It is bit of a tradition to bring in the festivities at the pub. We have been doing it for years. Lots of people were there, many who I knew, but did not recognise. It is funny how a mind can get stuck in a time warp. I remember what they looked like 15 years ago, but many had morphed into adults who I could not pick even if I tried.

A few beverages flowed. Most try not to drink too much, afterall, they'll be up at dawn with Santa's Been induced squeals. Though it probably would pay for someone to remind the local lads that too.

At 9.30 or so mum, my sister, Tara and I all went home. Tara was fast asleep - totally buggered. Alice's boyfriend was coming home a bit later. My brother would be home when he stumped there.

Santa propped some pressies into some stockings and everyone went to bed. I remember laying in bed thinking "Please let Tara sleep through - then it will be chrismas when I wake".

The next thing I hear is slamming doors. My mother screaming. My brother swearing and screaming.

"Look what they've done to me" "They all jumped me" "These are my so-called mates!" "Look at me! Would you F**king look at me!"

It was intertwined with my mother's cries.. "Who did this to you?" "Sit down!" "Let me look!" "Who was it?"

I flew out of bed like you would not believe. My sister followed, then her boyfriend and then Ally.

My little brother had been beated up at the pub. By is apparent friends. This is not the first time these people had done it. The main culprits had broken his nose less than a month ago. His mouth was bleeding. He had blood all over him. His jaw was red and already swelling. Teeth had gone through his lip a couple of times and he had scratches down his chest.

For ages he screamed "Look at what they have done to my face". The pain of his face was nothing compared to the pain in his heart. These were the people who were supposed to be his friends. They had once again taken to him.

We tried desperately to calm him down, but he was fuelled by anger and alcohol. Not a great mix. The next thing we knew was he took off back to the pub to try and get back at them. Mum and Ally tried to stop him in the driveway but he was gone before they could get him. Alices boyfriend went after him and dragged him back to the house and once again we started to try and calm him down.

At one point I grabbed him by the hands and started yelling at him to forget them. Forget these so called friends. Friends, real friends, would not do this to their mate. I told him he needed to shift his focus and realise he is with people who really do love him and care for him. Screw those at the pub, who cares. He did he kept saying. Over and over "Look at me though! Look at what they did to me! At Christmas! I'm going to look all beated up for Christmas!"

After a while longer we got him into bed - still swearing (which, despite my blogging, was scattered through ever second (or less!) word and could be heard down the main street. Ally and I guarded the hall way so that we could stop him if he got up again, and make sure he did not take off.

By this stage my Mum and Sister had taken off down to the pub to find out what had gone on. Alice's boyfriend was with them simply for protection in case they needed it.

They found out more of the story. David did not know why they did it but we found out it was him and one of the Culprits brothers who were messing around with bubblewrap on their hands. The guy hit David softly on the face and David did it back to him. However one of the Guys saw this and thought David was really hitting him. Came up and confronted David and David told him to go away and mind his own business. The Culprit guy kept asking to be friends and to shake on it. David told him to go away (in more colourful terms!). The Culprit Guy turned away then swung back with an elbow to my brother's face. Culprit Guy's Big brother saw this and jumped in. Their mother tried to break it up and another friend tried to hold David back to protect him. They all lost balance and the friend holding David and my brother went through the pub's glass door. The Culprit's mother caught the table on the way down. When David was on the ground they got stuck into him until he could get away. That's when he came home ranting and raving.

We are hoping that the pub has it all on camera, but the guys are new in the bar and probably forgot.

It would hopefully prove David was not in the wrong, but he is probably going to be banned from the pub, he'll be blamed by the other "Mates" and they'll all stop talking to him. And he'll once again get depressed and upset and abandoned by everyone.

The next morning his face was swollen and red. The bruising is coming out now.

Anyway. There was christmas eve. I'll do another post on Christmas Day later.

For now... hug your family, tell them you love them.

My Birthday

2007-12-21T07:34:00.000+11:00

It was my birthday the other day. I turned 28 (not afraid to share it! :D)

We went out for breakfast to a place in Darlington which was lovely. I had french toast with caramelised banana and bacon. Was scrummy.

I vegged at home all day until we were going out. I got dressed up and Ally took Tara and I too my dinner. When we got there I found Ally had secretly invited some very special friends who were all sitting at the table waiting for me. How lovely!!

It was at a japanese restaurant and was beautiful. A set meal of 6 courses. The stand outs for the night was the crab taco and the sake creme caramel. mwah. Beautiful.

This morning I am supposed to be packing because we leave in 4 hours and 20 mins. ARGH.

Really need to wash the dog.

Baby, you're dreaming.

2007-12-19T10:48:00.000+11:00

I had a baby dream last night. Baby dreams are always so vivid to me. This one though. This one was REAL. I could feel it Real. Wishful thinking I guess.

I was in a public space. Not sure where. I was wearing soft flowing clothes. I was pregnant. And I was in labour. There were people around who did not believe I was in labour though and I just went along doing my thing. I had a few painless contractions and I felt my baby drop. My baby was coming soon. A few more contractions and I felt down between my legs and could feel the head. I started breathing through my contractions. I breathed my baby down and just let my body do the work. The head came through and I remember taking time to just sit and relax. Then a contraction came and WHOOSH...... the body came down and I lifted the baby onto my chest. It was a girl. And she was Big. I don't know the size but she was big in my arms, and had a very moon-like face. She just looked at me. Her name was hers before she was born, and it was very much her after she was born. I held her, and she snuggled in under my chin.

The birth was exceptionally BORING. Just plain and simple and "nothing to write home about" (am sure that phrase was said in my dream...)

I can't remember the rest of the details. I know there was lots more. But they are the bits that stood out.

Bah humbug...

2007-12-18T19:43:00.000+11:00

No so much as an evap line.

Wishful thinking, I know. But I was hoping for an extra happy week.

Family Fun Day

2007-12-18T12:15:00.000+11:00

We attended a family fun day on Friday. It was a lovely day out - and they had an animal farm with a pony ride. Here are some photos.

Maybe (not) Baby.

2007-12-18T08:09:00.000+11:00

Sometimes my body really confuses me. After my post the other day about Ovulating, charting and getting things wrong prior, It seems I may have just gotten it all wrong and may have ovulated earlier on in the month.

Feeling a little crampy and nauseous. Period crampy nauseous. I swear, if I get my period tomorrow I'll cry. I wanted a BFP (Big Fat Positive for those who don't understand) for my birthday. And a sewing machine. But more importantly I want that BFP. Really wanted to give Mum and Dad a card for Christmas announcing a new grandchild.

Guess that's not going to happen now.

Bah Humbug.

New Year Resolution....

2007-12-18T07:46:00.000+11:00

I am only making one. And I doubt I can do it anyways. But my resolution is this.

I want to get a blogger's choice award. Maybe I could aim for "Best Designed Blog"

I'll think of a design (yes, I realise I just made a new design!) and aim on actually blogging interesting stuff (maybe I could go for best blog about stuff too!). Maybe this is what I needed to convince me I HAVE to get a domain for myself now.

I know I have a couple of domains.. but maybe I need one for my blog. mmm. ponderings.

It's my birthday tomorrow. Anyone want to buy me a domain and hosting for a year?

That might mean I need to learn Wordpress. And learn how to move my blog to wordpress. And redesign everything. And learn how to blog Cool Stuff That People Will Actually Read.

So.... would you vote for me? *insert big cheesy grin here*

I admire Karen Cheung and Philsproof - have done for a while. have just seen they are both nomiated... Karen numerous times. Way to go.

When I grow up I want to win somefink too.....

More from the Bottom End

2007-12-16T19:14:00.000+11:00

Tara's only wee'd in a nappy once today, but complained as soon as she did it and we took the nappy off.

Since then she has wee'd 5 times on the potty, and done two poos.

Wow.

Now, how do we take this from the home environment to outside of the loungeroom?

It's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas!

2007-12-16T17:43:00.001+11:00

I've been baking.

Here is my shortbread recipe for those willing to try it. I have a fondness for rice flour in shortbread and think it adds that special something!

Kristie's Festivus Shortbread.

1 part castor sugar
1 part rice flour
1 and a bit parts butter
2 parts plain flour

Chop room temp butter into cubes and add castor sugar. Beat until creamed well. Really well. It needs to be "white"
Add the rice flour and continue the creaming procedure.
Add the plain flour in two parts, beating really really well in between.
Press into a baking tray either greased or lined with baking paper.
Use your fork and some castor sugar to decorate
Cook very very slowly (150c for 45-60 min) until slightly golden (if it is turning brown it is too high or cooked too long).

Remove from oven and place on cooling rack.

Resist the urge to eat immediately.

Kristie's Brandy Butter.

Cream equal parts of butter (pref unsalted but does not matter TOO much) and Pure Icing Sugar (MUST be Pure!). Sifting the icing is VERY important.
Cream it until it is white and fluffy.
Add in Brandy to taste - slowly - checking at each extra added amount. I add LOTS. For 300gms of butter I add about 50 - 150 mls of Brandy).

Put into decorative cups. Wrap with Cellophane and put into the freezer. Great as gifts.

If only I had time to do my gingerbread house this year!

Blogging for dummies - er, the dummy.

2007-12-16T14:12:00.002+11:00

That's what I need. I can make my blog pretty, but if I want to make it better, then I need to learn more. Trying to understand RSS feeds is still doing my head in. I want it to do one thing, but maybe I am just being too fussy.

I want to make my blog fun for people to read, and maybe stick around. Then again, not sure why they would want to read about my crap - Cervical Mucus and New Blog are not really linked nor that entertaining!!

It's not like I have a common theme, nor am I great at writing. I used to be once upon a time, but it seems like a lifetime ago.

I did make a step forward though. I have added a stat counter thingo. It is very interesting seeing where people are coming from.

And see. there I go again, with a rather boring blog post. Sorry guests, you can pick your brains up at as you exit this blog... they weren't needed within.

Oh my Gosh!

2007-12-15T21:48:00.000+11:00

I just won!

How cool is that going to be for Mamaluna?!

*breathe*

I feel so blessed. Thanks AFW!

Charting. It really is gross.

2007-12-15T20:38:00.000+11:00

TMI post. You have been warned!

There is something so weird about actively TRYING to have a baby. I mean, Tara was a beautiful surprise blessing. She just arrived. I did not have to think about it. But now that the wedding is gone and we are (shhhh!) trying for another it's really odd to be following the whole charting side of things.

Since my cyles are all over the place (av 37 days, though 32 - 76 has been recorded) it does not make it as simple as saying "Oh, 10 days in, let's boink for 48 hours and wham bam, baby jam!"... Predicting (or even working out) the time to just go for it is really hard.

And don't get me started on the whole Cervical Mucus thing! Makes me cringe having to describe and understand the goop. I mean, I *like* knowing what is going on with my body, but having to do the midnight tango because of the consistency kind of makes me a little erkie.

So, having said all of that, I thought that I was having a really odd cycle and that when I thought I was ovulating was strange, but I plotted and charted and did what baby-making couples do (that's sex people), I was wondering if I was in the Two Week Wait (TWW).

Then I started bloating the other day. Feeling horrible in my belly and generally just meh. Oh yay, thought I. The Aunt is back. But I think I am wrong. Following the CM today, and the left hand pain I have had today, it seems I am actually Ovulating Late (day 30 by my chart). So unless I am pregnant now (ha!) the earliest I could find out about being PG is on Cycle Day 40 (and that is at a push!). That would be christmas morning.

We'll have to see.

Before that happens, I've gotta go upstairs.

It's even worthy of a dance!

2007-12-13T16:31:00.000+11:00

Poo that is. Tara did one on the potty today with an audience. WOW. She danced and whooped and hollered and boogied in the lounge. A poo on the potty! That's no poo in nappies I have had to deal with all week. Not sure if she did one at TinySteps, but none at home.

I feel blessed. Finally the laundry fairies are working in my favour.

yeehaw.

It's not working!

2007-12-13T09:47:00.001+11:00

OK, so I thought I would jump on the Blogrolling Bandwagon. It always looked great on other blogs, so I figured it was a pretty good idea - I mean, keeping track of blogs because they have actually updated, rather than just clicking every blog I know seemed like good sense.

Well I just discovered that it's not working! over half of the blogs in my blogroll have updated and BR did not tell me! How rude!

So, what I want to know, is there a special "thing" I was supposed to do and have not done? Did I forget to click a box, or are these blogs different some how? does it not work with LiveJournal or Private/invite only blogs? What about all the others that updated and I have not been notified?

I really need to update my web knowledge!

The world of a Start Up Business

2007-12-12T21:08:00.000+11:00

It's so hard trying to break into the Small Business Market when you have no finances to do so, but really don't want to take out a loan either.

I know I have a good business model. I just need to finalise my business plan and really ham that up a bit. I've looked at some government scheme, but for them, I have to work full time 35 hours a week. So min 7 hours per day, while being a full time parent - I just could not do that. I don't qualify, and I refuse to put Tara in full time day care to do that. It's not fair on her.

If I wanted to set up a shop, and such things, in some respects it would be easier because we would be out of the house, and I could look after her and have her with a play room - and work a full 35 hours a week. But the costs involved with a physical location just would not work. Too much money.

I need to win lotto. Or a grant. Though I would need to apply for them. Argh. Need to finish the business plan.

At least I have come across a few online locations (as well as physical addresses) where I can get some information. Hopefully speak to an advisor (and I have some contacts for that anyway).

It's just a bit of a nightmare.

Does anyone who reads my blog, have information on setting up business and services and any tips that I could use? I would be grateful for any pearls of wisdom!

How cute would this be?!

2007-12-10T17:24:00.000+11:00

Tara could have a matching fairy costume for "Baby" (her new doll)

eep!

Random Stuff.

2007-12-10T15:21:00.000+11:00

As you call all see, the new design is up and functioning. There is still stuff I want to do, but I will get to that slowly.

But, in the meantime - I lost all of my blog links when I changed formats, and now I don't have the old ones at all! I am going via my memory, which is shocking! If your blog is not on the side and it was previously, or if you would like to be added, or if you would like to be removed could you let me know?

Also, can someone please explain - in real laymans terms, all about RSS feeds. Please? :)

The bottom end.

2007-12-10T10:18:00.000+11:00

It's amazing that everyday normal folk are changed into weird creatures once offspring come along. I never really understood the whole Parents Are a Different Species thing.

Until I found myself sharing with Ally our daughters Other End.

Yes, we are attempting Potty Awareness. I loathe to call it Potty Training or Toilet Training because she is not a dog, and I don't want to traumatise her over the Porcelain Throne. Instead, Tara is now nappy free most of the time at home and I just encourage her to use the toilet. I thought I would give you an insight of our days.

Tara runs around naked (or at least bottom naked) and runs up to me holding her crotch screaming at me "Oh no! Oh no!" (it is really humourous actually!) and I look at her and say "Quick! Potty!". Off she scurries with all the determination of an elite athlete running the final 10 metres! She backs herself down slowly on the big blue potty and finally sits down.

For all of two seconds.

Then she screams at me ("ughugh!") and gets help getting out of the chair. We do this 20 times or more a day. And every single time the potty is dry. Bone dry. But we celebrate her sitting on the chair (because she used to be terrified!) and we start the process again.

That was until last night.

Tara did wees on the potty! And we did a VERY big happy dance. Whooo hoo! She came and told me she needed to go. I knew she did because she'd been farting and going through the above potty dance for at least 20 minutes. Finally she sat there for a bit longer. She watched a bit of TV and then I heard a noise. At first I thought she'd just farted again, but she jumped out of the Big Blue Potty herself and started squealing in delight! She was pointing and dancing and laughing. And to be honest, so was I. A wee in the potty - that she instigated sitting on in the first place. Whoooooo hooooo!

So imagine my delight when she did the Potty Dance this morning while I was cleaning and she ran and sat on the potty and all of a sudden I hear behind me "Oh, WOW!" I turn around to see the biggest poo ever in the potty! Golly Gosh! Was I ever so happy that she caught THAT one in the potty! Much dancing, squealing and singing occured. She was very very happy. And so was I.

Maybe this summer we WILL manage to do the Toilet Awareness!

The end is near - and so is a new beginning

2007-12-09T19:23:00.000+11:00

So the end of the year is coming very quickly. I cannot believe how close it is.

There is so much to be done in the lead up to christmas. I wish there was more time (and money!) but it's just speeding along so quickly! I have worked out what I am doing for pressies for most people, but I still need to finalise it - and buy them all!

Today we had a lovely party at the park with our playgroup friends. It was a lovely day, switching between slightly overcast and hot. The afternoon ended with a pretty fierce storm complete with thunder and lightning. We had lots of fun with all of our friends and it was so lovely to sit and just relax. I did nothing much at all (other than eat and talk) but was utterly exhausted when I got home. I even managed to keep Tara away from the playground most of the day without much trouble (no hat, no shade, very hot and it was too far away from the conversation!). I loved catching up with S, M, P and baby A. So much time flies in 6 months.

I need to do some hefty work on Mamaluna in the next week. I need to sew and send out my tester nappies. This is a lot more possible now that I have official branding cloth tags! whoo hoo. very exciting. Mental note: need to call the printers about my business cards! The website is almost done - kind of. I need to get some photos and start making some of the other merchandise. Oh, and I need to get my tins, fleece and PUL. Soooo busy. I would love to get a lot more done however 'cause I am really feeling the need to bring in some extra money. Hopefully it is not too unrealistic to want to sew and make around 150 nappies over a 4 week break. Scrap the week of christmas, so that is 50 nappies a week... I might be pushing it, but hopefully it can be done!!!

Tara is doing wonderfully. For her birthday she received some money from Granddad and Nanna-Yvonne and some money from some friends. We got her a new doll and a necklace from Nanna and Granddad, and from our friends we used the money to get a book. Well, the book is by far the favourite pressie out of everything. It is called "My Little Word Book" and is wonderful!! She carries it around and reads it over and over again. She can point out about 60% of the photos in the book. She can say "s-ooooos" and "bay-bee" and "mummy" and "tar" very easily. We just need to get her to start pronouncing some other words. She talks non-stop, and most of the time we know what she is talking about. The fact she uses her hand signals so much is a big help too!

All in all, everything is going pretty great.

Now to just remember to update this blog some more!

Upgrading the blog

2007-12-07T16:18:00.000+11:00

Please be patient while I upgrade my blog

I think I might have stuffed it, but I'll continue to work on it! :D

Now... to find out how to put an horizontal rule under each day...

Christmas Gifts.

2007-12-03T22:09:00.001+11:00

This is what I want Tara to get for christmas. or at least. This is what I want *someone* to get Tara for christmas. LOL

It is Le Van Toy, Fairy Tea Set. you can buy online

My Bouquet

2007-12-03T09:42:00.000+11:00

Is ruined.

Yeah - bit silly to mention it now - I hear you saying. The wedding was two months ago.

The thing is, I tried to preserve it using some information I had online. if i Had just hung it up outside it would have dried and I would still have my beautiful bouquet.

Instead, I have a tub with mouldy calla lilies. I have so very upset.

Ally's buttonhole is perfect.
My bouquet is rubbish.

Not even remotely salvageable I do not think. I could not bear to really look at it.

I just want to cry.

Happy Birthday Tara

2007-11-29T13:12:00.000+11:00

3.37pm. That is the moment you took your first breath. And every moment since then, you have taken my breath away.

2 years on and you are so amazing, the way you help me see the world around us. Nothing is ever black and white any more. Everything is seen in a kaleidescope of toddler-coloured-glasses. Who knew that the lid on the bottle of water was THE most important part of having a drink. And did I really understand the consequences of folding up the dirty towel you were leaning on?

Your fiery personality sparks inside of me something so primal. The protection of my baby, who is no longer a little baby, but rather a little girl with the world in front of you.

Each day you surprise me with how girlie-girl you are. The fact you adore dressing up, putting on my shoes, or dad's boots and we cannot leave the house without spritzing mum's perfume or deodorant. Don't get me started on the lip gloss fanaticism.

You adore your babies and love to carry them, and feed them (breastmilk of course!). Your new "ergo" is going to serve a great purpose for you!

We still share our special moments of breastfeeding. Usually in bed, in the wee hours of the morning. You call out from your bed "mama.... mummay!" and reach out longingly into the cool morning hair aiming for me to lift you from your bed. We snuggle in and as I lay you on your tummy, you let go and go back to a peaceful slumber.

As we aim towards the next 12 months your dad and I hope to change our lives a little by the introduction of a new sibling. You've started taking and interest in babies, and have even started saying the word when you see them. Fascination has taken your hand, and hopefully, as you get bigger and understand more, you will welcome a new being into our lives.

So, on your second birthday, darling daughter of mine. I hope you have a wonderful day. Try not to scream at your dada and I too much, and maybe share a cuddle, an "I-am-super-cute-look-at-me" cock of the head, and if we are really lucky - blow us a kiss.

We love you with all of our heart and adore watching you grow and change and become such a beautiful loving little person.

We love you.

Happy Birthday.

It's terrible!

2007-11-22T22:27:00.000+11:00

It is so terrible. How much I have neglected this blog. I just have been busy and tired and then feeling horrible for not blogging and so I don't blog LOL.

I thought I had better just break the ice and jump in again.

So many things I need to blog about that have gone on, but I can't think of any of them right now!

Tara has her birthday party on Sunday. Am very excited. Butterflies and fairies.

Ally and I have been both working hard on our respective new businesses. I ordered brand labels today for my nappies.

I've got the money to order my microfleece - I wish I could pay for it now LOL. but the shipment of fabric has not come in yet. I should have just told the lady to keep her money when she paid for some work - I'm just going to spend it going back to her!

I have submitted my artwork for my business cards. I hope I get the celloglazed ones, but if not, I will be happy with the value cards. Can't complain about freebie cards.

Sunburn sux. My back is itchy and starting to peel.

I now own a snap press.

Tara is still not really talking - I think she may actually have a tongue tie. But as I have said elsewhere, maybe I am just projecting my fears - though having done some research it seems more likely she does have one. would explain a lot of issues in the beginning.

Not long until christmas. I am looking forward to it - though it's going to be me sewing a lot!

I miss Ruby and Alice tonnes. I miss the closeness we had during the wedding phase.

Um. can't think of much right now - but at least I have broken the blogging drought.

xx

Wedding Photos by Anjella

2007-10-23T19:51:00.000+10:00

Welcome Summer

2007-10-20T17:03:00.000+10:00

Sorry for the lack in posting. I've been wallowing a little.

Today we decided to get out of the house and we went and stocked up on some swimming stuff and we went to the pool!

I got a new pair of bathers (and some razors *cough*). They are beautifully boring - a black one piece. But for the first time in years I did not feel self concious in them! Woot! I am going to make a sarong to go with them - maybe even a couple. I think I am going to like summer this year.

Tara loved the pool She got a little braver as time went on... but is still a bit of a nervous wreck with her head going under. Hopefully it gets better over time though because I hate seeing her freak out!

Signing up with the ABA for their Counselling course. Bit excited. Bit scared too. Hopefully I do great!

I need to get cracking on my business. Need to buy the domain name this week - hopefully. And get the site running. And make some kits for it.

I want to have stock ready to go for the end of November. Do a short sale - and intro sale for christmas stuff, and then will close over christmas before opening in mid Jan... I think that is my plan. During christmas hols I plan to sew up my stock nappies... fingers crossed!!!

I am thinking of looking for some sewers to do some sewing for me though for tedious things like boosters. Still thinking though.

Reminds me. I need to send an invoice!

Life is cruising. Although getting married has not changed our lifestyle much in the scheme of things, there is something so intimate about knowing you are committed to one person for the duration of your lives and that they WANT to spend the rest of their lives with YOU. makes my heart melt.

Pro photos coming soon! I have seen two. My photographer is teasing me with only posting two. *breaths* I can wait a couple more days! She's gone away for the weekend... she needs the break! (from me hassling her hahaha!)

life is good!

The day Kristie and Ally got hitched.

2007-10-09T09:52:00.000+10:00

(This is cross posted from the wedding forum!)

(if any of my guests who read this had a digital camera - can you send me some pics? I don't have any to share!!!!)

Well folks, here I am, in the newly weds section. I can hardly believe it myself!

The week leading up to the wedding was a blur of organising and pampering - nails, makeup, champers, drinks. The works.

we had the rehearsal at the gardens on the friday and many of our guests came along to help out and work out what needed to be done to set everything up. We had a run through and made some changes to the original plans I had, and then we practised the walk. Mum and dad were pretending to hold up my train, and joking around turned into my dad giving me wedgies while I was in absolute tearful hysterics trying to listen to the music!!

The night before the wedding we spent at the pub with guests who were arriving and saying hello. I even managed to win the meat raffle while I was there! There were a few boys who were suffering headaches on the saturday however! ha! My wonderful photographer, Anjella Roessler, even managed to drop in before heading to their accomodation. My sister and my best friend had tied me down and given me hideous makeup, donned me with a veil and a flashing tiara and set the mood for a wonderful fun filled day...

After a couple of hot days, followed by days and days of rain, I was a little skeptical we'd get lovely weather, but the heavens were nice to us and after some morning showers the sun came out and set the mood for a truly wonderful day.

At 5am I was awake. I just could not sleep. It was not nerves or excitement, just the thought of all the things I needed to do!! I was trying to print off the ceremony ready for laminating, as well as the schedule - however the network was down, and the net-savvy boy was in a different town!!

We got stencils cut out, laminating done and the car packed ready for our first trip to Hamilton for the day. We had to be at the reception at 8am to set it up, and be out of there by 9am for my hair.

There were a few seating adjustments that had to be made, but all in all everything came together in our reception room. It was looking so surreal - that in a few hours we'd be back and married!!

after setting up the reception we headed to my hair appointment. The hairdresser was so lovely, and she did such a superb job. I was so impressed with her and her girls. They asked us what we wanted and worked their way through perfecting our hair. Amazing job. We had the champers flowing and everyone was in great spirits. A few days prior I had given the girls jumpers with their initial on them and we wore them to our appointment. We kept joking we were the pink ladies in blue, walking down the street with our matching hair and jumpers! My photographer joined us here and took photos of us goofing around and enjoying ourselves. Ally got his hair done just after we did, and I finally got to meet some of our international guests...

Running out of time, we headed back to my mum's place to get ready. Ally was having some photos done getting ready before Anjella was to meet us at my mum's place (which is 25mins from where we were getting married!). Back at mum's we were running around getting make up done, and trying to smooth out my foundation, getting Tara ready, attempting to fix the fake tan (Mental note Brides to be - don't mix up your fair skinned fake tan with your friends' dark fake tan the night before your wedding!!!!!). Anjella turned up at some point with Marty her assistant hubby and started taking pics. I barely noticed the camera clicking away, it was just a friend hanging around.

In our collection of photos at Bethany (mum's house) there will be pics of me spitting out toothpaste, dressing tara while in my underwear, doing each other's makeup, sticking hollywood tape in the right places... Of course there will be flowers, wedding dresses in windows, jewellery and perfume - not to mention the Hurricane that was Bridal Party.

Time was escaping us and I did not have my itinerary! I was freaking a little. I wanted some shots taken at the front of the house, so Anjella and I went to do that. Quickly loading things into the car we went and got everyone, jumped in the cars and off we went.

Tara fell asleep in the car instantly and slept almost until the ceremony! made life a bit easier.

The cars were parked int he wrong spot so we had to do a u-ie and turn around. I was desperately after the laminated copies of the ceremony which were in my brothers car as I kept forgetting my vows. But due to my brother getting confused he'd got straight to the reception place (which is a motel) to get my bridesmaid the underwear she forgot to pack!! Finally he came back, bridesmaid got some knickers on finally, and I could get the ceremony stuff. Unfortunately for me in my haste, I did not think what I was doing and the wind caught my dress and pushed it all up against the exhaust of my brothers car. Oooops! I now had big marks down the front of my gown! I was about to panic. But I was determined not to have anything screw up the day, so I just said screw it! haha. I CHOSE not to be stressed. An exhaust burn was not going to mess it all up!

Finally we got into our vintage cars. Bridesmaids and Tara in one, and Mum, Dad and I in another. OMG. What are my vows. I kept reading them but my brain was not working. Comfort and Encourage. I kept forgetting those words. Bother. it was too late, I just enjoyed the ride as the drivers took us down the main street and we waved to people out shopping.

Time to get to the gardens. We drove in the gates and I could instantly see guests and I was all of a sudden full of butterflies. wow. they are here to see us. OK. Let's go! I was excited, a little nervous and full of beans.

My darling daughter was half asleep, so my sister carried her down the aisle through the gardens. She was quiet the whole service! Next my dearest friend Ruby walked down, and then my mum and dad and I followed. We got to the start of our Aisle and we took a breath and started walking. I looked at ally and tears just started. he was wearing the buttonhole he was so desperate not to wear. My heart lurched. I walked down the aisle to Angel (the series) Theme by Darling Violetta played on accoustic guitar. I got to the end of the aisle, kissed ally, kissed my mum, then my dad. They sat down and we smiled and laughed and the ceremony began.

My wonderful celebrant, Bernadette, loved my ceremony so much. It was a quick ceremony but it was full of love. In it we had a section where we wanted our guests to answer "We Will", however they all forgot to read their OOS, and had to be prompted big time to answer! it was so funny. We were laughing and joking. Everything was so casual.

Ally had not prepared vows before the day, so I did not know what he was going to say. It was so beautiful. So heartfelt. I was taken aback and any hope of my remembering my vows were quickly gone. I got through half, had to be prompted (I remembered Comfort and Encouragment though!) and finally got the words out (only stuffing up the word promise and saying pledge!).

We exchanged rings with each other holding hands and staring into each others eyes.

Next we had a handfasting where we joined hands and had our wrists bound with a black linen scarf I made. The words were beautiful and very touching. It was such a lovely thing to do. It meant the world to me, and I think Ally would agree it was a nice hting to have in the ceremony.

We kept joking about skipping down the aisle, running, jumping all of that. We were announced as husband and wife, and asked to seal our marriage with a kiss. It was the best kiss of my life! Pure magic in it's everydayness. We signed the certificates and came once again to the centre of our aisle where Bernadette presented us to our friends and family, we were clapped and then took our first steps as husband and wife. We walked down the aisle smiling, laughing, and me calling out for grog. we had fun!

We said quick hellos to lots of our friends and guests, had a bite to eat, then we had to race off for photos.

Since I have bored you enough already, I'll add a quick bit about location shots

Ally, Tara and I had photos in a ceremony where I got scorria rock in my shoes.
We went to a private residence where the whole bridal party climbed a gum tree - including me in my dress!
Tara had a go on an old tire swing
We went to some sheds that had warnings about the instability and dangers of being on the property.

I may write more soon, but my finger are cramping and we have guests and some wedding cake to share!

I hope to have couple of photos in the next day or so... I left my entire handbag at my mum's place so my camera has no photos at all

I am tired but feeling so blessed today.

Ally and I even did a first dance!

Amazing, inspiring, special, intimate, fun, exhilorating, specail, just some of the words to use to describe the day.

anyways... time to go.

Kristie xxx

How likely are....

2007-10-01T07:21:00.000+10:00

How likely are people going to be noticing my spelling mistakes?

Cass.. you can't answer!

*head desk*

One on the front of the Order of Service. One on the next page of the order of service. Useless me!

Things are going alright here. Got a lot to do. argh.

Not long now!

Kristie

Forgive me for neglecting you, Blog!

2007-09-25T11:07:00.000+10:00

Please forgive me.
Life is hectic.

Wedding stuff is overtaking my brain.

I broke Tara's tooth yesterday (ok, she pushed me on a horse in a park and it bounced and hit her in the face chipping a tooth).

We leave here on Saturday to drive to victoria.

I want black satin chair ties. Over thinking much?

I need to sew tablecloths.

I have a party to go to in 50 mins and have not finished the trousers.

my brain hurts.

so much to do.

I am addicted to facebook. Help me!

Home Business

2007-09-13T21:08:00.000+10:00

Today I registered the business name
Bought some products
bought some oils for the massage balm
celebrated with buying a frame for my certificate...

Very excited.

so what is the business name?

MAMALUNA

*jumps for joy*